Dear God,

2008-06-10T22:05:00.002+08:00

Me is upset again. Kill me, please.

1. When was the last time you felt grateful with what you have?
This very second..

2. What disappoints you the most?
Backstabbers who were your best friends.

3. What's your favorite thing to do?
Swimming, being myself, hanging out with my loves, shopping.

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Not buying it entirely

5. If you can have one dream to come true what would it be?
Go korea n never come back.

6. Do you prefer a kiss or hug?
A hug and a kiss.

07. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Everybody around me.

08. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
1. Donate to charity
2. Treat my friends/family to a good meal
3. Go on a shopping frenzy
4. Set aside a sum for the future
5. Travel around the world ESP Korea
6. Stop studying :)

09. What do you dream of doing in the future?
I wna be a tcher.

10. What makes you happy?
People I love

11. What type of person do you hate the most?
Er its above

12. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
Maybe, dead. Heh or married. Or teaching. Yay!

13. Do you miss something right now?
Human is a thing eh?

14. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
I want to fly.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
People I love, my laptop..uhmm..communication?

16. Any childhood memories you’ll like to re-live?
Everything.

17. If you have a chance to change your life now, what would you want to change?
I wna go on a diet (ROFL)

18. Are you happy with your friends now?
Yup..

19.Do you think you're pretty/handsome?
EH OBVIOUSlY RIGHT I AM STELLA. (whatever)

20. If you can change your name, what would it be?
I dont mind Valerie and Ariel

2008-05-28T20:19:00.001+08:00

I just got back from Korea a couple of days ago. On my flight back, tears were welling up my eyes, yes, again. I am sorry, I am so emotional but the peeps mean so much to me. Myoung, Eun Sang and Dong Hun! I'm missing all of you badly..

2007-12-08T13:15:00.000+08:00

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that
you were pregnant, what would you
say?
- You are a lousy doctor without proficiency.

2 . Do you trust all of your friends?
- If I could then pigs would fly.

3. Would you move to another state or
country to be with the one you love?
- I can't wait to be out of Singapore

4. Do you believe that everything
happen s for a reason?
- Yup.

5. Name two things you would NOT
tolerate in a relationship?
- Empty promises and cheating.

6 . Which one of your friends do you
think would make the best doctor?
- Doctor uh.. Natasha.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
- I don't fall in love. HAHA.

8. Is there someone who pops into
your mind at random times?
- A lot of people to be exact.

9. Would you stop talking to your
friends because you hooked up with a
new person?
- Nope

10. When was the last time you flew
in a plane?
- Just this week!

11. What did the last text message
you sent say?
- Hahah okay la go eat lunch and all. Message you again like when i want to type hee. have fun...!

12. What features do you find most
attractive in the opposite sex?
- Urm, I think eyes? Maybe Idont know.

13. Fill in the blank. I _______ you
in my life..
- ~~~~~~

14. Attached or Single?
- Blissfully Single

15. If you were to wake up from being
in a coma for an long period of time
who would you call?
- Wake up from coma, I bet I can't recognise them already. Slept for too long and my memory must be rusty by then.

16. How many kids do you want to
have?
- Soccer team (hahahahh!)

17. Love Someone?
- My family and close friends

18. Where was your default picture
taken?
- Changi airport

19. What's your middle name?
- Supposedly, Esther.

20. Honestly, what's on your
mind right now?
- HAHAH what to eat for lunch

21. If you could go back in time and
change something, what would it be?
- Lots but then, no point looking back!

2 2. Shoe size?
- EIGHT. big feet you know!

23. What are you wearing right now?
- YMedia tee & fbts.

24. Righty or Lefty?
- RIGHT.

2 5. Best place to eat?
- Lots.

26 . Favorite animal?
- Sorry, I am not an animal lover. I do love Santa claus though.

29. Favorite juice?
- Apple & Kiwi! Lemon & Orange. Orange & Carrot.
You don't get tummy upset from mixing them.

30 . Have you had the chicken pox?
- Yeshhh.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
- Who hasn't. I have it all the time.

32. Ever had plastic surgery?
- I helped the plastic have surgery. Melt the plastic..hurs.

33. Who knows you the best?
- Father, Holy Spirit, Son

34. Do you get along with your
family?
- Yeah, like yeah. I see them all day long and if I don't get along with them, I must be living in hell.

35. Do you wear contact lenses or
glasses?
- Perfect eyesight, dude!

36. Ever been in a fight with your
pet?
- PET! I toldcha I am not an animal lover.

37. Been to Mexico?
- why!

38. Did you buy something today?
- Going to buy lunch now.

39. Did you get sick today?
- At 1am yes, due to the overloaded dinner.

40. Do you miss someone today?
- Wow, yes. HAHAH I miss Andrea, gena, michelle, serlin, pretty mama, teresa..

41. Did you get in a fight with
someone today?
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOo

42. When is the last time you had a
massage?
- Er few months back.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
- Stella Tan! Who is ME.

44. Last person to see you cry?
- I don't know someone on the MRT train.

45. What was the last channel you
watched?
- FIFTY FIVEEEE

46. What are your plans for the
weekend?
- Slack! No la, come out with the ICC CIP & christmas cards..blah.

47. Who do you think will repost
this?
- Weird people

48. Are you happy?
- YES. DAMN HAPPY.

49. Who was the last person you hung
out with?
- Shima Kasmi Audrey Joleen Rach Sebas Zainul Grads Miss Low Benson.

Bored

2007-12-07T10:54:00.001+08:00

Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.
#1 Cass
#2 Yinzzz
#3 Jo fry
#4 Michelle yong
#5 Ser Lin
#6 Abigail
#7 Gena
#8 Andrea
#9 Mitchell
#10 Chongchong

#1. Who is no.7 having a relationship with? -
Lianwei.
#2.Who is no.9 having a relationship with?
EH I dont know.
#3. If no.9 and no.10 are together, will it be a good thing?
Never. Bet they'll quarrel like hell.
#4. What about no.4 and no.5?
Friends uh, yep.
#5. What is no.3 studying?
She's off school till O's results are out
#6. When was the last time you chatted with no.6?
Yesterday, lol.
#7. Does no.4 work?
Yes
#8. Does no.8 have any cousin in his/her school?
Nope
#9. Will you woo no.8?
Uh, it's a she! Lol.
#10. How about no.5?
If I were a guy, then most probably! SerLin eh, good catch! :)
#11. Does no.2 have any siblings?
Yup, elder brother.
#12. How did you get to know no.3 and no.4?
no.3 through Yhope.
no.4 through 3A02!
#13. Where does no.1 live at?
Bukit T.
#14. How did you get to know no.2?
Yhope Multimedia
#15. Is no.5 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAH YES lol. I don't get paid to say this, sadly!

2007-12-05T21:14:00.000+08:00

Favourites
Colour: Red & Green :)
Food: Good food, lol! Seafood & everything else nice.
Movie: I don't remember any vividly HAHA
Sport: Cycling, Swimming, Captains ball, FILMING, PHOTOGRAPHY! ;p
Day: Thursday!
Season: Winter *shivers.. & Autumn with pretz maple leaves! :D
Ice cream: Any sorbet! Esp Lime, Lemon & Raspberry.

Current
mood: A lil irritated, happy, sad. Mixed emotions then.
Clothes: tshirt & shorts
Time: 21:18
Surrounding: sisters using comp...
Annoyances: A LOT OF CRAP!

Firsts
Bestfriend: Jency & Shamien!
Crush: i don't rmb. i think.
Movie: I dont know!
Music: Twinkle twinkle little stars..how I wonder what you are

Lasts
Drink: Distilled water
Car ride: 2 days ago
Crush: WAHAHAA I DONT HAVE ANY I THINK
Phone call: Mom
Cd played: I dont rmb.
Gone out with good friends: ages ago.
Broken a law: !!!!
Been arrested: !!!!
Been on TV: NEVER!
Kissed someone you don't know: No wayyyyyyyyy la.

5 things i am good at:
1. Spending money like drinking water (even better than drinking water!)
2. Swimming long dist.
3. Secretly taking candid photos! HEE.
4. Onlineeeeeee everyday! :D
5. crap and laugh like crazy.

2007-11-12T23:34:00.001+08:00

2007-10-28T18:20:00.000+08:00

Hello I'm on blogger again - I have the tendency to forget my password because the creditencials on computer seems to disappear.

Anyway 2 Faith rocks forever! :)

2007-09-29T22:40:00.001+08:00

Your Birthdate: September 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet.
Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings.
You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments.
You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action.

Your strength: Your vivid imagination

Your weakness: Fear of failure

Your power color: Coral

Your power symbol: Oval

Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2007-09-22T10:46:00.000+08:00

Too bored, so stole these from Huaiying's blog.
& I think I did them before. Hurh. For reallllllll updates check my lj kay :)

Name 12 People:
01. Andrea
02. Natasha
03. Cassandra
04. Nurul
05. Eunice
06. Priscilla chong
07. Josephine
08. Michelle goh
09. Huiying
10. Jixin
11. Gena
12. Michelle yong

Q: Have you ever kissed 12 ? (Michelle y)
- Nope & I won't want to, hahahh.

Q: What's the best memory you have of 9? (Huiying)
- Da jie jie! <3

Q: Is number 1 cool ? (Andrea)
- Uh duh, if not why number 1. Hurh.

Q: What was your first impression of number 7 ? (Josephine)
- 1st impression, can't really remember but she looks like she's an introvert. Oops, but I love my fry.

Q: How did you meet 3 ? (Cass)
- In school, if not where else? OH maybe in SouthPark! Haha

Q: Is 10 your best friend ? (Jixin)
- Between good and best. Somewhere there.

Q: Have you seen 6 running around like a maniac? (Pris)
- I think she always does so.

Q: Do you think 7 has a crush on you ? (Jo)
- No cos we hate each other forever, hahah.

Q: What is the last thing you did with 12 ? (Michelle y.)
- Hard q to answer. lol

Q: Have you ever been in 2's house ? (Nat)
- Yes, I am afraid of her dog!!

Q: Would you ever kiss number 2 ? (Nat)
- No thanks. Hahah leelee!

Q: Have you ever slept in the same room as 5 ? (Eunice)
- During camp?

Q: When's the next time you'll see 10 ? (Jixin)
- Monday?

Q: Are you really close to 4 ? (Nurul.)
- Kinda. :)

Q: Have you ever kissed 8 ? (Michelle g.)
- HAHAHA no "beloved senior"

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 11 ? (Gena)
- Yes yes. :)

Quiz Two. :D

1. When was the last time you ran?
- PE, uh, must be.

2. Do ur jeans have rips, tears &
holes in them?
- ONE only.

3. What book are u reading right now?
- Chicken soup for the teenage soul.

4. Is ur lipgloss poppin?
- I hate gloss.

5. When was the last time u saw the
person you love?
- Everyday.

7. Can you dance?
- No thanks.

8. Do u get the full 8hrs of
sleep a night?
- Not at all. I am deprive of sleep.

11. Think of all your EX. Wld u
take any of dem bck?
- I don't have any EX. Yay!

12. If any1 came 2 ur house on
ur "lazy days" what wld u do?
- Say hello then shut the door? Nah, must force a front eh!

14. Have u ever been on ur
school's track team?
- NOOOOO, will leave that for tsl only.

15. Do u own a pair of Converse?
- Hmmmm..I think I have a pair.

16. Who did u copy and paste this
survey from?
- Huaiying.

17. Do u eat raw cookie dough?
- Nooooooooooooo even tho I bake.

18. Have u ever kicked a vending
machine?
- I am a good girl.

19. Do u hate it when the radio
ruins good songs by playing a bad one?
- I don't really turn on the radio maybe except muttons in the midnight!

21. Do u watch Trading Spouses?
- Wth is that?

23. Have u ever stayed online for a
very long time waiting for someone?
- I think so..

24. Are you cocky?
- Wth is it again.

30. Cld you live w/o a computer?
- I could live but probably deprive.

45. Is any1 on ur bad side now?
- Not really, for now but I'm kinda irritated.

46. What jewelry are u wearing?
- Earstuds counted?

47. Whatz da 1st thing u do when
u get online?
- Check email, lol.

49. Do u watch Grey's Anatomy?
- YESSSSSSS.

5O. How do most people spell your name?
- Stele/Stella/Lala/Umbrella/Ella

56. What are u doin tomorrow?
- Study!!

57. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the
next Michael Jackson?
- No way.

60. Will u keep ur last name when
u get married?
- Last name as in? My chinese name like yup of course.

62. When is da last tym u left
ur house?
- Last night.

67. Do u return ur groceries cart?.
- I don't even take them. Oops.

69. Do u have a dishwasher?
- Nope. Im a poorado, anyone wants to donate? Lol.

70. What noise do you hear?
- I can't stand noise. Hur.

71. Would u survive in prison?
- (emphasizes again) I AM A GOOD GIRL! rofl.

72. If all ur frens went on a road
trip wld u?
- Duuuhhhh. I wanna go backpacking!!

77. Do u know anyone with the same
name as u?
- Yes, 2 somemore. Cause Stella rocks.

78. How many pairs of shoes do u own?
- Not sure

80. Whatz da last thing u ate?
- Bread with jam, toldya I am poorado. Lol.

84. What's ur middle name?
- Stella Tan Wan Yee. figure it out yourself.

85. Where is ur cell phone?
- On my bed?

86. Is ur phone on vibrate or ring?
- Vibrate.

88. Ever been to Georgia?
- You want to sponsor my trip for me?!

91. What irritates u most on the
internet?
- Popups.

92. Do u watch movies with ur
parents?
- Yupyup, with my mom most of the times.

93. Whatz ur fav color(s)?
- Red, Green, Orange.

94. Fav song?
- Praise you.

95. What color is ur car?
- If I had one, then it'd definitely be red.

96. Wat song best describes ur life
right now?
- Wo bu zhi dao.

97. Where do u work?
- KCPSS? Lolll.

98. are u taking college classes
right now?
- Nopeee.

99. What do u drink?
- Juices, floral tea, water, coke and all the norm except coffee.

100. Whats ur kind of beer?
- I AM A GOOD GIRL.

101. Do u like sushi?
- Yes. Chawanmushi and tofu better though. :)

1. real name
- Stella

2. like it -
- yeah, I have high self esteem i think.

3. single or taken -
- taken, if you believe. lols.

4. zodiac sign -
- Libra

5. male or female -
- Fe----male.

6. elementary -
- Peiying pri, rock my socks. :D:D

7. middle -
- Kcp.

8.high school-
- If possible, aj!

9. eye color -
- browwwwn-black-brown.

10. hair color -
- Uhm, as you deem fit, should be black.

11. long or short -
- Long

12. favorite color -
- Red, green, orange

13. favorite animal -
- None actually.

14. alcoholic drink -
- I don't drink heh heh

15. are you a health freak -
- Not really

16. height-
- 164. I can be air stewardess but, you know it's just HIGH CLASS WAITRESS. Hahah.

17. do you have a crush on someone?
- If you think so.

18. do you like yourself? -
- I think so.

19. piercings? -
- 4.

20. tattoos -
- 0.

21. righty or lefty -
- Right/

FIRSTS :

22. first surgery -
- Not applicable, hahahha.

25. first award -
- K2? For being top in the whatever PAP thingy.

26. first sport -
- Long jump (seriously love that)

27. first pets-
- Fishes, even till now - still fish.

28. first vacation -
- Malaysia I think.

30. first crush-
- Why should I tell you. That was really eons agooooo.

32. first city to live in -
- Yishun

CURRENTLY:

34. hair -
- Black and long.

35. thinking about -
- Headache.

49. eating -
- None.

50. drinking -
- Saliva.

52. i'm about to-
- Buy lunch.

53. listening to -
- Whatever that's playing on my sis's laptop.

55. waiting for -
- Jesus to return. :)

57. wearing -
- YMedia teeee. (p/s: miss you guys and sorry for not being ard for mths! esp. joanne lee)

FUTURE :

58. want kids?:
- Yessss =)

59. want to get married?:
- Yepp.

60. career?
- Teacher/Photographer/Child psychiarist

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE
SEX? :

68. lips or eyes?:
- Eyes

69. hugs or kisses :
- Hugs

70. shorter or taller:
- Taller

71. tan skinned or light:
- Tan

72. romantic or spontaneous:
- Romantic

73. dark or light hair :
- Darkkkkkkkk, for now at least. Hah.

74. athletic or normal
- Both cannnnn.

75. hook-up or relationship:
-Relationship

76. similar to you or different:
- Huh, varies from pple to pple lol.

HAVE YOU EVER :

78. kissed a stranger:
- Nope.

79. drank bubbles:
- lol no.

80. broken someone's heart:
- lol hope not.

85. been arrested:
- Yes yes, not by police ahhah by friends. Dumb.

86. turned someone down:
- Yes

87. cried when someone died:
- Not yet have anyone close die.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. yourself:
- Yes, told you I have high self esteem except during exams time.

90. miracles:
- Yep, with God?

91. love at first sight:
- Not really.

93. Santa claus:
- Don't try to kid me.

94. Sex on the first date:
- Nooooooooooooooooooo.

95. Kissing on the first date?
- Don't think sooo.

96. Angels:
- Urm?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

97. Is there one person you want to be
with right now?
- Yep.

99. Had more than one
boyfriend/girlfriend at the same time?
- I DONT HAVE ONE! YAY.

Done.

2007-08-26T16:28:00.001+08:00

HTTP://THESUPERETTE.BLOGSPOT.COM

2007-08-22T19:14:00.001+08:00

Miss Blogger a little and all.
I am thoroughly upset I failed my maths. Can't believe it. ):

2007-08-03T21:43:00.000+08:00

Name:	Stella Tan
Birthdate:	29 Sept 1993
Birthplace:	KK Hospt, Singapore
Current Location:	Yishun
Eye Color:	Brown-black
Hair Color:	Black
Height:	164 cm
Weight:	55 kg
Piercings:	4
Tatoos:	-
Boyfriend/Girlfriend:	-
Overused Phraze:	Bloody hell, go & die
*FAVORITES*
Food:	Candies
Candy:	Strepsil Pain Relief (LOL)
Number:	29, 17
Color:	Red, Green
Animal:	Human
Drink:	Bitter lemon, greeeeen tea
Alcohol Drink:	-
Bagel:	-
Letter:	S
Body Part on Opposite sex:	Hair
*This or That*
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
McDonalds or BurgerKing:	Mc'd
Strawberry or Watermelon:	W'melon
Hot tea or Ice tea:	Both
Chocolate or Vanilla	Choco
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:	Hot choco
Kiss or Hug:	Hug
Dog or Cat:	None
Rap or Punk:	Punk
Summer or Winter:	Summer & winter
Scary Movies or Funny Movies:	Funny
Love or Money:	Love
*YOUR...*
Bedtime:	11pm
Most Missed Memory:	Childhood/Psch
Best phyiscal feature:	urrrrrrrrrrrm, eye?
First Thought Waking Up:	When will it be Friday again?
Goal for this year:	Get good grades
Best Friends:	Jopine, big sista, andrea, priscyla, peiqin, cassandra, nurul, jixin, gena, michelle yong, ser lin
Weakness:	I-have-a-lot
Fears:	HEIGHTS, dogs, cats, etc.
Heritage:	-
Longest relationship:	-
*HAVE YOU...*
Ever Drank:	Yes
Ever Smoked:	No
Pot:	No
Ever been Drunk:	No
Ever been beaten up:	No
Ever beaten someone up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
Ever Skinny Dipped:	No
Ever Kissed Opposite sex:	My dad
Been Dumped Lately:	No
*IN A GUY/GIRL*
Favorite Eye Color:	Light brown
Favorite Hair Color:	Blonde
Short or Long:	Not too long. Mid-length
Height:	170
Style:	-
Hot or Cute	HOT
Drugs and Alcohol:	Alcohol (but not too much)
Muscular or Really Skinny:	Muscular
*RANDOMS*
Number of Regrets in the Past:	DAMN A LOT!
What country do you want to Visit:	France
How do you want to Die:	Peacefully, lol.
Been to the Mall Lately:	Yeah
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Not at all
Get along with your Parents:	Yes
Health Freak:	Not really
Do you think your Attractive:	Not really
Believe in Yourself:	Yes
Want to go to College:	Yes
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Drink:	WATER! =D
Shower Daily:	DUH!
Been in Love:	Nope
Do you Sing:	Self-proclaim toilet singer
Want to get Married:	Yes
Do you want Children:	Yes
Have your future kids names planned out:	Not yet
Age you wanna lose your Virginity:	After I get married lol
Hate anyone:	Crayons
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Shifted

2007-07-28T15:27:00.000+08:00

Hello guys & pwetties darlingzx (omg!)
Hahaha I've shifted to lj because of the benefit of communities - basically, more fun than Blogger and urrrm, mainy cause of sprees. oops! It'll be semi-locked - for friends only (:

theassiduous.livejournal.com

Sinful

2007-07-28T10:14:00.001+08:00

I ate Mac Big Breakfast, first on the sinful list. Hahaha, I can talk now though! Yay! Hur..so yes! I finally decided on the 2 troublesome ladies' prezzies at 00:00 this morning. I hope it'll be nice lar..And me going to get something else (I don't know what) as well.

Tsk, I feel the hole in my pocket.
June/July are ultimate killers.. Spent about 60bucks for Esta & Pq's presents last month, and about there for that two ladies too. Total damage is about $120. Aug is Ade & Dad's birthday. And finally, going end-of-September will be YOURS TRULY'S BDAY! But before me there is Glen Tan, Eddie Tan, Adelene Tan, Natalie Tan, Sonja, Belinda, Michelle Ang, Michelle Toh, Weida, Bryan, Zhiyong, etc. So by the time it's my birthday, I'd be bankcrupt already although I am not going to get pressies for the Michelles (cause I wont be seeing them), Bryan and Zhiyong. P/s: Mr. Lai Zixuan please remember TE gathering during Sept for Nat, Xwd and my birthday! I can not don't buy for Adelene Tan (cause she is my erjie), Glen & Eddie (They are my cousins). Baaaaaaaah. I think I should bake cupcakes for everyone, but once again, I don't have the time and I don't want to hear my grandmother nag like ewkkq! Glen and Eddie don't get presents for us, but it's a MUST for us to buy presents for them. Wth right? It's cuz of their parents anyway, they are so much richer than me but their parents are damn stingy. Glen is older than me by 10days, and he can't buy the wallet that he wants?! And it costs only $3.90? Okay lar, I mean I pity them a lot as well. I think they can't even go out with their friends. Worse than our class guys who only goes to junction eight. I hope their parents will come to their senses soon, I can't believe they are so restricted while over here at my house, tho there are restrictions..we are like more independant.

And, by the time it's my birthday, all of you are going to be bankcrupt too! CAUSE SO MANY PEOPLES BIRTHDAY. Wth. I have no idea what I am going to do that day. I just recalled, it is a Saturday and that means most of you are going to celebrate Belin and my birthday together (Her bday is 28th Sept)

And yah, my dajie lost her W660i (!!)
The person who have picked up/stolen please go to hell now.
So she's going to withdraw moolah from her bank and buy the exact same model. Rich kids are like that ok. But I am not one of them. Pfffff..okay, I am thinking of working during Dec, with my erjie maybe. My bank is totally drained, but not as bad as my erjie's cause I spend my money whereas hers got stolen. Bwahaha, I am the most careful kid at home. But fyi, I always misplace my water bottle under school desks, and my latest item still missing is Peiwen's Anne Frank. It is in the armpit hair monster's homeroom, not to worry.
So you can imagine my sisters.

Miss tan wants to earn mooney monnnnnney moooooooooolah!
ohgay, i should start ordering gifts. bubyes.

counting back

2007-07-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

I haven't been flipping that book for ages
Neither have I been to that place for weeks

I think that it is only when we allow our hearts to be soften then God can come into the picture. When we are super egoistic and too proud of ourselves, we tend to rule our own lives forgetting about that guy that died for us. We don't give a damn, but well..I am constantly reminded! :D

Anyway, thanks Estayee for the prayer today (:

------------------------

Feels good to be home, TGIF.

I love Fridays cause that marks a start for a brand new weeeeeeeeek. Some sort like that! See my big big grin! Hahah. Today was good, urrrrrrrm very good to be exact. I've new goal, that is to study in Australia after O's and get my degree in like 2 years time. So when you have finished your A's, I'd have done my degree. That is if I can do really well. I was telling someone that I want to get 6points for L1R5. It's kind of impossible to do so without the bonus points so please pray that I'll remain in Higher Chinese for like ever and get A1 for Higher Chinese. Well, to speak of the truth, Hcl is my weakest subject now and ever. B4 is bullshite, worse than Art. So you can imagine yah!! Haha then I said, "WOW! I think our batch will do really well. We are so competitive." What a load of crap!

And yes! Infocomm today was superb. The rest went to learn Flash from that cheena white guy while Yi Lin, Joleen, Rachel and myself were in Multimedia r3 doing Alice. We did that stoooopid Alice thing until 6plus, like goodness gracious.. I think we took steroids, hee. 'Cuz we are usually not that long-lasting. Then Mitchell, Zihao and Jefferson came up to play that stupid marble game and Mitchell, Zihao, Joleen & I had a "fight". Bloody funny I tell you. Now my arm has so many scratches thanks to Mitchell's *weapon* Okay, fugly.

Anyhows, I feel like eating Seoul Garden. I've been repeating that for ten thousand zillion times during English period when I starve like hell. But the irony is, Belin who is sitting beside me has a BIG packet of cococrunch and I was munching all the way through with Miss Mak & Belinda. Cass promised Seoul Garden next week and IKEA swedish meatballs the week after that. Wooooooo, foody food but can it stop raining?! I haven't swam a single time this week thanks to the freaking cool weather. Hmph! Speaking of swimming, the last time I swam was last Saturday at YSS. Read: The water was freaking dirty (with some black particles) and it was freaking crowded. The water might be contaminated. I swam mere 20 over laps and it started pouring! OH MY GAWD, Rainy stop raining!

And my momma says that er jie and I have been making a lot of noise because !!!!!! I've been coughing really a lot at night and er jie has been sneezing the whole day. We make music! Stares and laugh! Hahahah.

Oh yes, this is my latest piece of work using photoshop. I seldom use photoshop except for proper work cuz I think editing photographs for no apparent reason is a total waste of time - and I don't have the time. Oh, this is for my eldest sister project work btw. She volunteered to do this and made me have no time to practice Maths. Hahaha, very fun tho!

AND, I can't find "Eat me drink me" by MM in stores. Wth!

A councillor's walk

2007-07-26T17:44:00.000+08:00

I doubt you'll believe how many million tiny weeny things I treat with seriousness and respect.

Today is the continuation of yesterday's scolding speech with regards to the post of being a councillor.

Yesterday, during History Mr Marican requested that we should copy some things on to foolscap and I was dumb enough to copy inside my textbook. Then he went something like, "You..never copy!" I rebutted, since I copied anyway. And he continued, "You need to file it. You are a councillor is it? Yah, councillor. That is an exemplary example." I was fine with that, it was my fault anyways but I hate the idea of using council to drive us to the wall.

Today, Miss Oon requested for all councillors to assemble after Musical Viva; to scold/scream at us and to ask us help the musicians to carry their instruments downstairs. She said that we as councillors are not good role models because we didn't ask our friends to shut up. That our friends look up to us because of that black pairs of shoes. Which is bytway, totally bullshite. Adding onto that, she still said that the school wasted a lot of money for our training camps. Don't we pay a fair bit of our camps too? I am NOT against her if you want to know.

But, on my side of perspective..
Friends of council doesn't mean they have to be like-council. If they are like-council, then they already are councillors. Well, actually she is partly right but we'll pick things up along the way I guess. But I seriously hate teachers to use council to drive us on to the wall. I wonder why they don't say, "You are a PEL/NE Ambassador.." but they always say, "You are a councillor" Yes, we do hold a more prestigious post but we all get the SAME cca points.

But sometimes I DARE NOT, seriously. Because a lot of things happened because "I am a councillor" and I certainly don't want anything else bad befall on me once again. I am finally getting over this. Now, I want to grow up and exercise Self-discipline.

No, I am not quitting council. You must be thinking too much. I won't quit council for these things cause I guess it is part and parcel of a councillor's life.

junk

2007-07-25T20:10:00.000+08:00

As said in the last post, I finally got great deals for Pris & Jo's gifts tho it'll be one week after their birthdays. But Jo said she won't mind, plus I won't see her on the 31st also! I'll be santa after the day I collect their gifts. Or mebees I should just get Threadless for PrisChong! But then it's not worth it ehhs! No sale now. Crap shite..Threadless please have $10 sales larr...Threadless rocks my socks btw! Purfect gift all year around..hurhurh! I sound like Im trying to hint you what to get for my burfday hahaha! I think I'll stick wit my first choice of gift but then again, someone is holding threadless spree! Omgsjkawqq!! No, I shall resist the temptation and shop only when there's 10buck sales.

But,
but,
but..!!!!!!!!!!
I saw the two tees I wanted to get which were oos during sale! wtf! this is crap man..totally! Plus, I can't find my soap tee in my wardrobe..!

More crap to go on,
Our science teacher is changing. Miss tay is not going to be our science teacher anymore. I can't imagine how noisy will 2faith continue to be. Mrs lee got so fed up with us and I swear all 40 of us hate her like hell. Shes the suckest thumbdrive teacher. Read: Saggy boobs, double chin, armpit hair monster.. Can you imagine?! I was telling a friend that a lot of Secondary school teachers teach for the sake of teaching and maybe moolah. Like get a life, go and die. Go marry some rich old husband, be a taitai & get your ass outta the school if you have no passion for teaching/kids man. C'mon, there are so many jobs out there you don't hafta be a teacher to earn big bucks. Moreover, most teachers don't. GET A LIFE, PLEASE.
Fyi, I don't mean all secondary school teachers are like that.

Maths test again tomorrow. To hell with Maths. Miss tay offered to help me..hope I am able to catch up! OKAY, time for medicine + maths + shower + ljspreeing (:

just a memo

2007-07-24T16:34:00.000+08:00

i found what to get for priscillar my rainy girl and josephine low my big big fry! (:

burfday

2007-07-23T21:28:00.000+08:00

Awfully sick..
Pain in the head, feeling giddy and shitty throat, once again. oh well! My sis is having fever..it runs in the air.

Anyways, last night I figured out what I wanna do on my burfday cuz I thought no body would probably ask me out like last year. Firstly, because it's on a saturday and I probably wouldn't want to spend my burfday in nexus. The people there would probably have millions of meetings which is somewhat meaningless to me now. Secondly, it's really near end of years so I doubt anyone would want to urmm..risk your subject combination for a girl like me.

If I have a chance to plan my burfday myself. I would find a mutual friend (we'll see about that), if there is one that is OR else I'll just go by myself, no big deal. To the beach or somewhere really quiet with the Sun but then again, it's SATURDAY man. That's my plan larrrrrrr. Last year I had the companion of beauties like Jia, my caregroup, my classss. Okay, Im nowhere there this year.

I wrote the exact story of what happened for chinese compo test today. "向往是一段距离" is the topic. Well, my compo is lousy I know but I hope I can convey the best of what I wanted to write. Arghhhhhhhhh..I haven't done DNT & Anne Frank yet. I am so gonna die, the headache's killing me. Thank God I have a MC but not sure if I am using it for tmr.

nostalgia

2007-07-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

If I were a refugee, then you guys must have built the best shelter for me and been the pillars of my life. Last night, I messaged Huiying, Andrea, Josephine and Shawn that they rock. It may be very random but it was from the depth of my heart cause I know I have no other better friends than them although they all have better friends than me. Oh wells..

Sometimes I really do feel like going up and tell you,
"Thanks so much for making my presence unknown, seemingly invisible. Now I know, why so many people hate you and thinking about it, I feel so foolish being your best friend (to speak of)" I really know, I feel stupid and almost broken. Now, who will ~~come~~ bother to mend the broken pieces man. Stupid, for forgiving a dozen times until I really give up.

I miss good times and although I think that the matter was absolutely absurd & every one else around me thought that it's ridiculous. I am thankful for the one good year that has past. If I had a chance, I will go back to HISTORY man. Harhar, too bad I don't and won't have a chance to do so. I want to take computer studies as o level subject but too bad kcp doesn't offer. Grrrrrrrrr..wished I had a chance to transfer sometimes. Um, no..most of the times but well, I am fine with leading a solo life. I can still survive.

Berserk

2007-07-21T16:27:00.000+08:00

我快神经崩溃了!

I've been in town alone for 5 times in two weeks without my parent's consent. I seriously think I am going to turn insane under such circumstances, if for long.

Stress plus no one to talk to is totally madness.
And I must say so many THANKYOUs to you. Go away!

Want/Need list
1. Swim suit (2)
2. (Metallic) Goggles
3. Pouch for my iPod + camera + handphone
4. Handphone & iPod protection cover
5. Pencil case
6. Fox brown tank
7. Simpsons Tee!!
8. Black/grey skinny jeans
9. "Eat me drink me" CD
10. 60G External hard disc
11. Macromedia softwares
12. Moolaaaaaaaaarh
13. Knitted cardigan
14. White Zara blazer
15. My own swimming pool
16. Converse red chucks
17. Havaianas/Old navy flipflops
18. New Nike dunks
19. Screen tees + spags + tanks!!
20. MY BURFDAY!
21. Study hard
22. Straight A's
23. Triple Science!
24. Improve higher cheena.
25. Prisy & Jo's burfday presents!
26. Wakeboarding :D
27. Freestyle 30 laps!
28. Waterski
29. SAC!!
30. Family to be happy and healthy always..
31. Have more great friends like Jo, Aunty and Huiying.
32. Body shop "save-the-earth" bag!
33. Save money
34. Sony T10
35. Adidas England red jacket
36. Shorttttts
37. Swim 100 laps in a day
38. White water raft + caving
39. Stress-free
40. Not to turn into a lunatic
41. Apple Leopard/Macbook
42. Teva slippers
43. Anti Fog
44. Red rubber band for tying hair
45. Ear studs
46. Lose weight!
47. Able to stablize stg camera
48. Improve filming/photography/studies.
49. Casio waterprove digital watch
50. FCUK/Gap tee
51. Scuba diving in Tioman
52. Resume swimming trg
53. Michael Buble's disc
54. Computer studies as o's subj
55. SWIM SWIM SWIM!

Heavy heart

2007-07-20T18:55:00.000+08:00

I've been blogging here for years, four years I think. But as the years pass by, I choose content to place here selectively, not like when I was young. When I dint care about what one would comment after they read my blog. I was fine with it till this year. I gradually chose my text even MORE selectively. I used to type really long posts that would probably get you dragging and dragging or you don't feel like reading at all. So wordy, but that's just the way I like it because I don't have to be so shallow. The case now is that there are so many things about me that you'd never know. Well, so you should never know yeh.

All along, I wanted to say that I wasn't the least happy at all. I dint dare to blog about my affliction. From the happening, to the ending I was never on cloud's nine once. They say that she is now afraid of me, but deep down inside I am even more afraid of her. I should have been, anyway. I am a very realistic person although I always dream of the impossible. I face up to reality and I knew there was nothing I could do to salvage the situation because all along, my role to all, was and is still a wrecker.

5 things I want to say to different people
1. When it's raining, I know the sunshine is still around.
2. Thanks for self-sacrificing and giving your best for me.
3. It kills when our eyes meet
4. Frankly speaking, I do hate you a lot
5. WHY?

--------------------------------

I went down to orchard today, the 3rd time this week. And again, tomorrow. For my precious phone yah. Sony Ericsson has been such a sucker. My changed and supposedly "brand new" phone's keypad lighting sucks to the core. You would say it's ugly and for me, fugly. I can't stand fugly phones seriously, esp when they are new. So I phoned SE Call Centre after Infocomm today and uhm, that guy said it was possible to get a change (I think the phone's a faulty S500i that they repaired) so I headed to Wisma. And the staff there said, "As long as the functions are working well, I don't think they'll change for you." I was totally like wthf, shite, disappointed, upset (SE's been my favourite hp brand btw) and of course I wasn't that stupid. Called up the SE Call Centre and that guy helped me to mail the manager and she just called up to ask me to look for her tomorrow. I seriously hope they'll change for me cuz it's darn ugly. If they are not going to change I am going to lodge a complain k!

Yfc praise and worship today reminded me of caregroup. A bit nostalgic ehs..but I do miss having a warm, happy, wonderful cg and really true, great, awesome, outgoing best friends. Sigh..J was asking if ahems and myself could ever patch back. I doubt so lar, tho it sucks to sit alone behind everyone else. BUT, I swear I hate to be your spare tyre. I'd be alone than to be your spare. Yfc managed to make me let go of all these for the least while but I am glad.

There are so many things whirling around my mind. I've got so many things to do..so packed from monday to friday that I can hardly study. I am getting bits and pieces of Algebra Manipulation already, thanks to the Math wizards in class! I think I improved a lot this week, except for remembering to bring my stuffs out of the classroom. I lost my bottle 3 times and file once in just this week. Anyway, my friend is visiting me the second time in three weeks and it's totally hell. See, I told you. Stress isn't any good stuff.

stress

2007-07-19T19:03:00.000+08:00

I give you my word, I am damn stressed up.

Higher Chinese is getting on my nerves seriously! Ugh, I learnt my ting xie till so late last night and all she said today was, "It is postponed & only one CHAPTER (supposedly three chapters)" I tell you I wanted to slap her face! If not for that 2 bonus pts for O's, I'd have chose express chinese already. Eeeeeeeeee. Adding on, Science test was SO tough. & I am totally clueless about what I was doing during Maths.

I have to force myself to study every night with all the bad/good feelings suppressed within myself I have to hide so many things I am given so much responsiblity I am so tired I must loooooooooook forward I must be optimistic I must swim more I must I must I will I am I have to force myself to study every night with all the bad/good feelings suppressed within myself I have to hide so many things I am given so much responsiblity I am so tired I must loooooooooook forward I must be optimistic I must swim more I must I must I will I am I have to force myself to study every night with all the bad/good feelings suppressed within myself I have to hide so many things I am given so much responsiblity I am so tired I must loooooooooook forward I must be optimistic I must swim more I must I must I will I am I have to force myself to study every night with all the bad/good feelings suppressed within myself I have to hide so many things I am given so much responsiblity I am so tired I must loooooooooook forward I must be optimistic I must swim more I must I must I will I am I have so much more to hide sucks

Anyways, Miss tan collected her phone today! And apparently, sony ericsson handed over her a brand new phone w/o lcd screen protector. But oh wells, she is thankful enough! =D

Tag replies
Chewmin: Hello! Harharhar, next week got Math & Geog! You sooo smart can, don't worry!
Stella Chye: Hmm, can you initiate a convo when we're both online cause I rarely check the messenger (:
Nicole: Urmm, soon kay.
Keirea: Infocomm. Harharhar you are so dumb! Ooppps!
Zix: Your jokes are "funny" yeah. (-__-")
Peiqin: Harharhar I like it too. White hair Elizabeth Swann pretty darling Peiqin. =D

I suck in telling stories and omgrekw I SUCK IN ALICE.

Count 1-10

2007-07-18T18:30:00.000+08:00

Ay. I got lots of thoughts in my mind, but I don't know how to pen it down so I thought, forget it.

I just want to say yay Im getting back my phone tomorrow and going swimming tomorrow. The ngee ann thing is called off because Ms tay said it is till 6pm, very late. So yours truly is going for a swim after school then to Wisma to fetch my phone.
I self-treated Double Chocolate Frappe when I came home and now my throat's feeling shitty.
Andrea and I watched Romeoxjuliet in the Liliputt after council meeting and Romeo was drop dead suave. And, we killed some soft toys. (:
Sometimes I feel that I deserved that happening to me.
I feel that I am getting anti social, or at least I'm just trying to fit in I don't know what although I kind of act crazy.
I miss days whereby we really hang out after school. I seldom do that, cause of council and friends.
I wonder what would happen if I declined the offer to join SC. Will I be better off? But I guess I definitely wouldn't lost my trust in you all if I declined the offer. I didn't see that all on it's way when I accepted the offer.
Science graded assignment was totally crap. Tough like rock.
Algebra's getting fun.
I feel upset.

I think you don't know how it is like feeling terrible, yet you don't know the reason why. Sigh, could just be my fault. Arghzcxc.

Today, I knew how was it like to be rejected (In some sense tho practically didn't happen to me) I want to say sorry to zx. But you're still a good friend! And, to all rumour-mongers whatever please stoooooop spreading whatever facts/rumours you have on your hands omgsdkjf. Thanks.

I have a lot more to say, tomorrow perhaps.
I need to talk to someone urgently but without my phone I feel like I am in an enclosed cage. I can't do anything. Ok, bye. And happy birthday in advance to my white hair Elizabeth Swann pretty darling PEIQIN! (:

Catastrophe's coming back

2007-07-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

Catastrophe's coming back..well, might or not be true. We shall just wait and see!

Anyways, this morning Andrea and I realised that I will only be getting back my phone on Thurs. Sob like hell. I miss my phone ten million zillions and people have been asking 'bout my phone. Gosh!! Why must it be on service when so many people message me and then the very next day, "Hello Stella, did you receive my message?" And I'll pathetically reply with, "Urmm, my phone is undergoing service." Stop asking about my phone k!! Thursday will come uber soon (; Har har and Jeremy was gave me the wth face when I told him my phone is under service lar.

Couldn't swim today cause mummy didn't allow! I was totally shagged when I heard that cause usually going swimming makes me feel hyped up. Arghh..hopefully, I will swim on Saturday. Hopefully lar, but definitely not Safra. Safra is super crowded on Sat/Sun. And right, I was so dumb today that the memory stick got stucked in my dad's laptop and the laptop can't even boot up now. Harhar, he's going to fix it not to worry. However, I went to watch Harry Potter today! Not as nice as the prev series, but it was great! Visual was, perfect and to speak of it, I tell you those editors totally earned my respect. It's so hard to make a film, albeit so rewarding to see your film selling. Editing & filming are the worst, and I tell you, the actors earn so much more (both cash & fans) but seriously speaking, most of the hardwork sweat goes to the backstage crew. Oh so yah, one good news for infocomm - we don't need to do the NDP film anymore. Big time cheers but then again, that cheeena trainer is still around.

I want to upload photos but the memory stick's stucked, remember?

Phoneless in a fast paced society

2007-07-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

Phoneless for TWO days..hope it doesn't kill.
No, my phone didn't get confiscated, neither did my bill overshot or some sort like that. It's under service. If there's a need to, you can contact me via my house phone. Sound so low-tech. Harhar! Anyway, I got zipit for my iPod & handphone today!! I loveeeee zipit can :D

Just realised that I can't go swim this week unless I'm going tmr, but it is unlikely to be cause might be catching harry potter tmr. Sissy has to do detention today so we have no choice.. Eeeeeyer, I only swam once last week & then this week canNOT swim. What the hell. Wednesday got functions 1 + public relation meeting and I have to go down to Wisma to collect my phone. Life science final on thursday so have to go np, which sucks cause that means I will only reach home at like 5plus 6. There's higher chinese seminar and infocomm on friday. Brrr..I'm going to kill soon.

Hope tmr Little Miss Sunshine will be nice and come out for like an hour plus or two while I swim, especially since I end school at 115pm tomorrow! AND, councilors are finally given authority like omgjwdsk after so long. We should have been given long long time ago. Oh wells..

Fyi, I injuried my left wrist again. Thank goodness it's not right, if not I can't write. That rhymes..har har! I still feel very blessed..thanks to pine talk last night (seriously very very touching lar!) plus my ultimate pillar for years and years, Lee! Lee is nice, extra ordinarly nice for god knows how many years already. She is one of the best person I've ever met in my life. Really. Big jiejie definitely rocks k & my family rocks too!! I know I'll never be alone when I fall back. You ALL really bless me a lot.

One thing I must say after not going to Nexus for three weeks,
YHope Worship improved a lot! Oops..today is WAM night. :P

Abracadabra!

2007-07-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

I've got tuition teacher for next year already. Har har har, it's my most infamous dajiejie Yinzzz! :D

I am going to study reaaaally hard this month cause common test is after urmm, National Day. I like English as a subject, albeit I dislike the teacher. She's gonna check who doesn't has a thumbdrive. Omg crap, it's not as if we are taking computering. I like Math with numbers not with alphabets A to Z. I like Science generally..except for Reflection and Refraction. Hist, Geog, Art are pretty fine. I want to swim! Probably 3 times this week..I only swam once last week! That's like mwjkqkjkwlqj! Yay Im watch harrypotter tmr night!

So any the way, I have a lot of tags to reply.
Chewmin: Harharhar cause nothing to do what. Enjoy what? Mugging for cts ehs? :P
Nurul: Hehehe! (:
Eunice: Bleah noooooooooooo..
Jiawei: Har har, it's council cip. You can join us next year if you're in council. Lol!
Huaiying: Har har har I was doing from 151-155! Tee hee! :P
Huiying: Hello..hurhur yeah alright.
Chenxiang: Hello dude, you seriously sound like a girl.

Now watching: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e

YOU are a blessing

2007-07-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

Thank you all for your response. That shows to go I didn't get myself the wrong phone (: However, my phone isn't working that well. It shuts off itself at times but at most times, it can't detect my sim card!!!! Bringing it to Sony Ericsson on Monday after school. Prays ten thousand hard that they'll get me a new one! Har har har! But I still love my phone anyhows. I'd love every and any thing as long as it belongs to me even if it has scratches like my camera. What's more they are my baby!

'Ten Tons' project today. My group consisted of Jixin, Chastina, Jinhan and Christopher and we had to collect newspapers from 4 blocks. It was hell, seriously. Blk 155 has 22 storeys ok! After collecting we had to move all the newspapers aka junk onto a truck and the five of us plus Fat and Benji sat in the truck to the next block. My first time on a truck with really a lot of newspapers.

Look at my legendary shifu, Benji! They were the one who asked me to take photos and gave such poses lor. Tsktsk.

Went to 135 by foot and found Blue Strawberry, Michelle glutton and group transferring all the newspaper in the truck into another big big container.

Helped till around 2plus then rushed off to Nexus. Sorry Benji and the rest. Thanks Jixin for rushing with me all the way to Bishan Mrt. Hailed a cab to Nexus..but was still late. I absolutely didn't do well for vision mixer at all. Joanne and da jie jie had to prompt me twenty million zillon thousands time to switch pc/camera and mixing was really terrible. Later today, da jie jie really blessed me a lot! She teaches me chem & phy..and today she offered to pay for my cab fees somemore! My da jie jie rocks, totally! :D Aunty Andrea is another nicey soul! She is helping me to get my phone protection cover! (:

& I got Peiqin and Esther presents already! Sorry Esther, I went all around sg to hunt for what you wanted but seriously couldn't find it (that's why the delay!) I got you something else instead! I have yet to get Rain Lala and Big Fry presents. 30&31st. Okaaaaaye..I'm done with this long naggy post. Hope SE gets me a new S500i. (:

From my perspective..

2007-07-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

1. Friendster is a real shitty stalker of every action you do on Friendster.
2. Sec ones are bloody irritants that are flirtatious and desperate (Most)
3. My class guys make good friends
4. I love to purchase rare/limited edition stuffs
5. I can't stand bloody freaking cpcats
6. Prestige is totally cranky and wacky, not high class at all
7. I don't know how to use MX Flash and I am i/c of Flash examples (Har har har!)
8. Video/Animation productions sucks away your creative brain juice
9. We have a very gay ICC temporary trainer. Mitchell is replacing Brendan. (He is permanant)
10. I feel very blessed

This is added to my inventory yesterday. My new baby! My baby list includes of my iPod, camera, laptop and whoosh, this new phone (: Weighing at only 94grams, it's damn pretty - 10 thousand times prettier than the picture I tell you. Everything's good except the memory is pathetic like hell (16MB) but you can fit in a M2 card (which doesn't comes with the package) and oh, I don't really like the cover..fingerprint stains but it can be wiped off using a normal screen cloth. & the surrounding light is da-bomb, totally. I love it like omg!! But the thing is, I can't find the frigging toopid protection cover.

Total damage, $300
But thanks to dad, I don't even need to pay a cent and I am like, superrr thankful (:

I have a lot of random photos, but next post maybe.

Aftermath of Catastrophe

2007-07-12T17:38:00.000+08:00

Har har har, just admit that you all have been taking advantage of and treating me as a spare tyre. All she needs is to sacrifice someone whenever she is lack of a friend. You can rebuke or spam my tag, I don't really care cause that is the truth, the fact.

You think I am of any happier than you? Do I have to make myself miserable by making a molehill out of nothing? The fact is, it is not nothing. Just so you know, you used to mean a lot to me but now you all no longer do. You tell me you feel leftout, you know how it feels like. Then tell me why you had to do this to me.

You are saying all that, making it sound as though it's my fault to put an end to this friendship. It's not entirely my fault, everyone played a part in it. I don't think you know what I am referring to. But one thing made clear was, THE PRICE WAS TOO MUCH TO PAY FOR SUCH FRIENDS.

Oh well, fine..get it done and over.
Anyway I want to thank Mslee, Mstay, Abigail and Jixin a whole mountain top for listening to me rant and giving advices. You girls are the b-e-s-t! <3

Catastrophe

2007-07-11T20:23:00.000+08:00

(Cont'd)

She yearns to trust. Yet, she can no longer do.
She bade farewell with tears welling up her eyes, feeling utterly helpless and clueless where to go next. Good friends were kind enough to keep her, but she rejected those offers. Not that she doesn't like them, but she doesn't wants the same scenario to happen to them, especially not wanting to be the one whom breaks people up.

She never believed in love till the day she realised that God is with her. However, from that very moment onwards, she never believed again. this time, it's really gone..forever and ever. thanks for breaking my heart and giving me the worst friends in my entire life. i admit defeat. do whatever you want. my heart is dead, it is. i will never believe.

Here's what she said,
"Did you know it was so hard to get hold of, so hard to let go? All the time you said, you know. But all the time, nothing practical was done. I have had too much. Something I've always cherished, just to know I am nothing but a spare tyre. Awesome."

Catastrophe

2007-07-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

(cont'd)

"You have triumphed over me", she claimed.. She fell on her knees and started to weep in agony again. She was in daze. But no one knew neither did anyone bothered to know, everyone abscond. It is a bummer, an utter letdown. She admits defeat, yet remains in the same state - having to be tortured, over and over again.

They thought she was as strong and smiley as she seemed. Never a second was she what they thought to be. The sight of them sucks away her blood.

SHE DIED, forever..and ever.
Fact never changes. Nothing changes the unchanged truth.

The harm is already done, whether she likes it or not.
You don't know what is it like crying in the public after my swim. You think I am alright, I am not. You think you are right, I'll prove you wrong. You think I am still your good friend, I'll call you foe. Why must I always wait for you all when none of the time anyone is waiting for me. I am not your spare tyre. This is the millonth time I've repeated that. I have no choice. Swimming a million laps is better than facing your face. Go and die, stop stealing friends. whatever you suck k. I am not opinionated..but it's just the fact. You can't stand being alone doesn't means you have to steal my friends. Fuck.

Catastrophe

2007-07-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

She has always been forced to swallow her pride and swim when she's crestfallen, for that very one step she took. She can no longer rewind time that this decision she took made her disgruntle. It's the greatest mistake one would make..compared to not studying for major papers and all the sins she've committed. "Fancy giving up a good bunch of friends just for them, to be discriminated in this way", she added. It could just be her and her malcontentment.

That very moment when she took that tiny weeny step that ended up in the chaos today, they said, "You are the best friend anyone could ever ask for." Twice. Perhaps because, that was the-tough-time in their lifes..and no one else bothered except her. On the contrary, her good friend back then said, "I am jealous that you are spending more time with them than me." Her heart was melted by the honey-coated words. Absolutely, wrong.

Today, she has lost it all. She has to look at the people she sacrificed her good friends for, caring for some other people for the tiniest thing on Earth and don't even give a look into her heart, her feelings. Having to put up with people looking at her in the other light and, pretending she doesn't care. In actual fact, she is a weakling.. she is terrified and definitely, traumatised. With her voice trembling and tears dropping, "I will learn..and never tell me sorry again"

She is not what the way she is portrayed

Live Earth - Answer the call

2007-07-08T02:44:00.000+08:00

Stop global warming
Don't unravel everything
...---... (SOS)

It's 2:22am in the morning & I am stealing someone's connection. I am sorry, but anyhows..I am still awake watching Live Earth. It's till tomorrow, I know but I can't sleep so I am still awake.

The "Live Earth" programme this year caught the universe's attention, that's including mine. Sometimes I wonder what if global warming condition turns for the worst (not worse) and the whole Earth depletes..There's one day it will deplete. Perhaps the believers would call it, "The coming back of Jesus Christ". For the rest it'll just be world's doom maybe. But it's such a joke, now the length span is 30 years..By reducing the use of plastic bags and promoting recycling, how long can we last? 50 years at most? By then I'll be 64..it's not really my problem. It's the kids then but what for, since we already know it WILL deplete soon or later cause human beings are incorigible beings. And for those who are believers (approx 10% of the world) would probably ignore it since they'll think it's God's plan yadayada..

Well, it's a good try and thought though. Personally, I really applaud and admire Kelvin Wall and Al Gore for their brains and bawns to start this campaign. I hope it works though..if not, we'll really end up in Nether world (looks at Miss M and gives a haha look) soon enough.

http://liveearthpledge.org/answer_the_call.php
Thanks Earth for providing us what we need and what we want for god knows how many millions of years. I truly appreciate the fact that I am alive, kicking and a part of this "Live Earth" campaign thing though it may sound dumb.

Anyway, I am having a bad throat now..Hope it's not infection (again)
The peeps are really funny. My msn personal message was, "can I saw my throat instead of having it sore." Then Cassandra offered me a saw while Shawn yeun said he can help me saw my throat. Dumbos. And oh!! My MM CD arrived..my sis says he looks freaky. I haven't listen to it YET..alright, save the earth guys!

And Happy Birthday to Miss Valerie Tan! :D

(Edited 12:09pm)
I am going to get W660i..yay! My eldest sis too..haha but she wants to get the black one while I am getting it all for the redness of the phone. Hehehe but that also means $300 off my bank. So I am not that sure YET.

Manson's likeeeeeeeee freaking nice..Rocking my iPod definately, together with The Fray & Chemical Romance. But I need a new set of earpiece. Still contemplating whether to get the ear-in one or the norm. Norm = Apple/Creative/Sony. Ear-in = White/Black. That's a lot of decisions to make for such an indecisive person like me. So anyway, Mobscene, Tainted Love and The Nobodies are the loveeee. Hehehehe. :D

Anyway, some people from church are saying things like, "You shouldn't listen to MM", "It's satanic". Does that means we can only listen to Hillsong, Planetshakers, Delirious, Chris tomlin and all holy bands? Har har harr..how interesting. Btw ytd's Live Earth, Rihanna did a bad job @ Tokyo definately, running out of breath, stopping in the middle of nowhere. Hmm..snow patrol and other bands did much better!

Hope there'll be duty soon cause double service duty equals more chats and fun time with big fry and big sister! AND..build more arm muscle!

Tomorrow going swimming *big big big grins* It's been so longgg!! Rain woman I hope I won't see you tomorrow. Heheheh, I want Miss Little Sunshine..hehehehhehe.

BACK TO SCHOOL =D

2007-07-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

Best placeeeeeeee =D

Gena Tan, hahahh.

Super lame jokes from Zixuan @ Macs

Taken by the LAME pro photographer.

Self taken shot!

Gathering information from the photos above, you'd know that I went to primary school. Hahaha! It rained so there was nothing much to do. We were supposed to be rear runners (god knows whats that) but ended up doing some stupid stuffs, still have our 4 hours of CIP though..Mrs Juliana Lee's daughter can really run, and damn fast somemore. Spoke to Miss Lim aka Mrs Ong..and hmmmmm, she's getting o-l-d. Wahahah. She reminds me of Miss Lim aka Mrs Teo. Next year we are going back for P5 camp :D So well, after that went to our usual hunt, Macs to eat breakfast..all the stupid jokes.. but it was a good Earth Day. =)

I realised that I have yet to meet anyone that likes to EAT and PLAY like I do. As in the limits and all..
Reason are:
1. They are too busy
2. They aren't close to me
3. I never ask before
4. Too committed in various aspects of life
5. Parents don't allow
6. Financial issues

So I am very sianneeeeeed. Hopefully someday this week will be able to eat at CHIJMES, Akashi, Azuma, Ohsumi (with the extremely nice shabu shabu) !!!*big grins* I mean any one of them..or better still, Daily scoop or the teppanyaki above JBP!! Go Daily scoop eat icekelim, great varieties, perfecto and relatively reasonable pricing, like haagen dazs. I don't know if the one at CHIJMES or Azuma taste nice...they are reccomended by good friends but Ohsumi (at Cuppage) black pig shabu shabu makes you go omg!!! Akashi has superb raw fish slice which is totally WOW! And the teppanyaki above JBP is my family's fave hunt. Been there since young, still pay a visit now and then.. we just love the garlic there! The rice rocks too..heh, it's the simple things in life that fulfils human beings. But having dinner out for one day = no swimming for a day! As the saying goes "No pain, no gain!" I need a new makan buddy that is not buzzing. Hahahah, I haven't really had Korean bbq in singapore yet, as in the authentic one not seoul garden. Seoul garden is like..plain bbq-ing food. There isn't KIMCHI! Ohkay, I am gay because my aunt is coming back on Monday with Kimchi... =DDD

For now my throat is hurting! Thanks to Mc'd..
I want to eat Jap food and I want to SWIM!

caution! fragile..hold in care - thats me

2007-07-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

Note: Author intends to rant. She will not be responsible for any brain damage caused. You can stop reading if you wish to.

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I DON'T GIVE A BLOODY DAMN, SCREW YOU!

I repeat myself I am not your spare tyre! I am not.
And to that teacher, you are the worst I've seen in my 8 years of academics life. As hollow as the 'o' in god.

I am freaking pissed off and at the same time, disappointed & upset. Whatever la, I give up on you. One bitten, twice shy, thrice is a fool. Fourth is a sucker. I am the sucker.

Randomly, I love council and the nature.
I want to get W660i but starhub sucks.
Everything on Earth should just be burnt to death.

Speaking of council, today's duty was..
1. Assemble
2. Felicia said, "All duties are covered by SJAB except for ANNOUNCING"
3. I was panicking throughout the whole assembly
4. My voice shooked
5. My secrets are exposed! I was darn scared.

Infocomm's gonna combine and make a video for NDP. I am the in charge of prestige, actionscript/flash thanks to shooter Joleen Ng. Hurry come back! Animae course next wed..good morning singapore filming next wed.. LSBP presentation 2 weeks later.. I MISS THE WATER!

心情像沙拉般复杂。。

Just came back from PHS 42nd Honours and Thanksgiving night. I went cause someone said I shouldn't leave my sis alone cause my parents are busy. The very moment I reached there I had a splitting headache till now, and I sat with some old people so after the events I went to Peili/Xinyu's table to eat. Heehee! They were such nice people ok. I went off at 9plus and saw Mrs Grace chua (VP) so I spoke to her hahahah and she was such a blur. That's what made the convo funnier.

From the event, I realised that actually I am very proud to be a KCPian and a KCP student councilor. I guess that's what PRIDE at work is all about. Actually I wanted to go for PHS investiture but Miss Lim told me no more vacancies and she'll send me for the next investiture (:

Fruits & sore throat? No link!

2007-07-05T18:33:00.000+08:00

PINEAPPLE, ROCKMELON, PLAIN WATER, SWIMMING, TALKING
Tell me which one of the above will cause sore throat.

The amazing adventure of having sore throat started after recess, after eating the tasteless rockmelon and juicy pineapple. I don't know how the sore throat came about, unless you tell me the pineapple has a pH of less than 5 but it is unlikely to be so. And drinking of more plain water results in a worst throat like wtf. Tell me why please, I want to eat seoul garden on saturday. ):

Swam again! Forty laps nonstop in an hour and after that I'm half-burnt in the sense only half of me is tanned. My arms are the worst, like half of it is dark and half of it is like what?! SNOW WHITE! After swimming I had the worst sight in my life, I saw myself (in the mirror I mean) and I had those freaking goggles mark around my eye, not the tan not to worry. If I had that tanline I would just go and die (: Thank goodness it's so near my house. I can't resist the temptation to go and swim everyday seriously (what's more is I swim MORE each time but I when I swim it's like wth? 30 laps alr? 10 more la..*giggles*). Although sometimes I've to force myself cause I am damn tired but swimming rocks my socks!

And oh announcing today was yikes. I thought announcement is after devotion then suddenly Ms Tham made me do the announcing. I tell you I was scared like sh!t, hahaha then everyone feedback-ed that it was too loud. First commanding - too soft. First announcing - too loud. What a joke. Hope tmr don't have, tmr in front of whole school. Hahahha!

On a lighter note, I need someone to go wakeboarding with me. And a Maths-brained to help me in Maths. I am going to study today! Science + Maths, two of my weakest..excluding Higher chinese. I promise to do well for Higher chinese, Maths, Science, English, History & Geog fyp. Did I just list down all the main subj? I WANT STRAIGHT A's. MWAHAHAHHA!

I am just so happy my cd is coming..yeah, right inside my mailbox. BUT, I can't find Eat Me, Drink Me! RAWRRRRRRRRr..

*Prissylala just told me tmr's saintjohn's day! SAY YAY :D
And I am changing my phone like this month?!

in the end i just want to ask why

2007-07-04T18:37:00.000+08:00

I went for a swim (again) today at Safra, and going tomorrow as well...yeah, leaving my Math in the rubbish chute. I am on the verge of failing my Math, owe Mr ng tests and I can still happily go for a swim. Can some free and pro people please help me in Math. All the closer friends of mine or my sisters are either taking N O A 's or doing their first college year and frankly speaking, my classmates' math aren't very very good either, or I don't understand what are they talking about. Assessment books help, but not to the extend I can learn everything from Mr ng's choochootrain-ing. So I went around during Music today, saying, "I hate Maths!" HAHAHAH, thank goodness mr mark chua didn't said a thing or else there's the composing crap music.

So, swam thirty laps straight today..I felt like breaking my record of swimming sixty laps straight but I couldn't because I didn't had the time to. Hopefully I will have the chance to do so tomorrow..if I have the time and hopefully don't get ewklkweq from Jeremy cauz I skipped council today!

AND OH, today's morning duty was crap! Hahahha, I reached the bench, marked attendance and couldn't find announcement book, like what the hell. So went to office to check for like 3 times and then went to hall to check. Found it, but lower sec flag raising so couldn't go down. After that Fel made me go down and walk around parade square to see if any teachers want to make announcements but once I was down. HAHAHA, upper sec flag raising. So funny right, my foot. Once again stood outside canteen like some dumbo and then went to office to return the announcement book. After which, Ms lim came and nag a bit so Benji asked me, "Stella, do you wanna go up." So I went to the hall for assembly and assembly was a whole lot of nonsense, nothing was nice except the jelly drink (:

I hate the way how some people do their work can.

if by sitting on the seats make you have a perfect heart for christ

2007-07-03T18:08:00.000+08:00

Just in case you didn't see your replies..because it's so long that I decided to take it down.

Teamaker trainer: manson's stucked in my head aft listening to it for one entire night. beautiful people like us, hurhurhurh! i want wakeboarding!
Josephine: haha bye. see you soonest!
Stella: hello STELLA :D
Tashka: linked..will go tag later! heh..
Cass mak: It is so much better than ripcurl. ps ripcurl = suicide. heheheh!

-------------------------

We're going to wakeboard + pigging out + shopping this saturday! Yay, I am the happiest kid on earth! Swimming on thurs and gym on frizee. Cass and I are going to the gym every friday after Infocomm and the highlight is that I'm going swimming every thursday/saturday. :DDDDD

So today was super dumb. Um, not today. I am the dumb kid k. Hahah, firstly had Priscilla chong chasing me round canteen to tell me about her pimple that is even more painful than piercing. Anyway, I think it's going to rain (!) now. Secondly, had to go pick up the shirts and I am so smart that, I rushed out of school at like 2pm sharp. When I reached khatib it was only like 215pm and I was meeting that person at 3pm so I took the train all the way to Marsling, back to Khatib and then Yishun. Lastly, I just realised I injuried my hand after 4 days. Wheee, I am the smartest being ever! YAY!

Speaking about the trip from Bishan-Marsling-Khatib-Yishun, my ipod suddenly played "Sing of your great love" by planetshakers. Once my favourite, as much as I like Marilyn Manson/Chemical Romance/TheFray/Augustana now. Well, I thought that would make me think a lot (i.e. How much I'd miss church and all) Last year when I said I wanted to leave church I actually cried for like 2 nights haha. This time round it's completely different cause there is more hatred than loving memories. Those people who were like super nice to me have already left the youth or something. So this year is my fourth year in hope, also the tenth anniversary of the youth congregation. Nevertheless, guess I am going to leave la except once a month for my dear vcam (leaving) cuz I don't like to act as if I am a hypocrite cuz I reckon myself not. 4 years is a lot, what's more 4 years of my youth! And 2 years facing some people who are "more spiritual" than me just by sitting on nexus's seats every saturday. It is not by sitting on those seats and saying all those whatever that makes you have a perfect heart for christ! And it doesn't means that by being a shpd/cl/ul/sdl or whatever ranking makes you more superior than civillians like us! Absolutely have no rights to scold us please like whatever even if you have backings of leaders. I don't really care you see. Anyway, I am not jealous, I am just stating facts for goodness sake. Like yucks..! So it occured to me, that the song doesn't mean anything at all..perhaps just the image of me walking down the aisle some four years back..惨了! Heart's harden..

Drop that! So today's joke was primatively on crayons. I hate crayons. T-crayon is the worst crayon ever after. Hurhurhur! There are the crayon, t-crayon, ball, poke, red-cray(on) and what else? I can't remember but there is one more. Teeheee, Cass and I were talking so much during Geog lesson that I ended up ?!?! after the worksheet! Cass just has to talk about the crayon whenever the crayon's near us. Hahaha! Stupid ehhhhhs.. Oh, today we had the achievement thing during morning assembly and Michelle, Cass and I were making a big fuss out of it because it doesn't have our life science business plan project. Rawr, we wanna eat the school. HAHAHA, then Michelle made this remark that made us laughed.."We get into top six then they know" Lol, cuz we'll never get into top six already la! Hehehe, but nevermind I like the competition k and we are the semi-finalists. Okay, I guess I know what's self-deceiving. Hahahhahaha.

I just received a msg saying that, I am supposed to do announcing tomorrow. Please pray that I won't fall off the stage and crush some several thousands of people. Hehehhe. I was just kidding but I really prefer the um, commanding can! Announcing is freaking scary cuz the whole school's seated just to hear you out. HAHAH, wish me luck! Good morning kcpians..! O.o

2007-07-02T21:16:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA! I want to watch the simpson! :D

The next mega movie after harry potter. Strawberried doughnut with rainbow flakes..prettaye baby!! *big grins* So anyway, I went to eat crayfish & prawn noodles..so I am itching now. Hahahhaa! Ohk, watched Transformer too..it's not that that nice, cause I yawned more like 10 times in the cinema but it was worth the money I guess. It's just a "fighting" show. Wahahah. :P Went to eat kenny roger's pork ribs too which made me gained like 2314453213456.321234567kg ):

Hmmmmmmm..yesterday night had hilarious with hln1, toopigc-g- and all the names while chatting with josephine and cassandra. Later at night before I slept decided to tell jess about something very very very very bad. I told her how much I dislike my caregroup, that is central e two. How I feel everyone is so fake and for having stereotypes in caregroup. How everyone is gossiping about blah and blah behind each another's back and because I am considered a "come-and-go" cg member, some of them do tell me and me myself I can't stand having stereotypes in cg also lah. Whatever the case is, I told her all my displeasures of being in CE2 and umm, told jo low. She said I am promoted to big fry. I rock ehhhhh! :D I definately hope they do something about it lorrrr! If not then I don't know what's the point of telling her. oh my pig. I also told jess that I won't be going for a long period of time *shakes head* I think I am a problematic girl, only in church. So anyway, I decided not to go till maybe after fyp except for duty weeks because jo forbids me not to go. I know by blogging this here might even make me get out of multimedia team, but I don't care. Just pray hard that big sis huiying never pass by this post, hahahha!

HAHAHAHA. Oh well, school's tomorrow *knocks head* I am very much in the hols mood but I've counted, it's 4months and 12 days to the end of final year. I am going to draw up a timetable to study and I guess I won't come home early on school dayze thanks to gym, more gym, swimming and infocomm and council. That practically kills. OH! I need to get tuition too, maybe from big sis or big fry friend if they are free to help me out. My science and maths sucks. Oh my chinese too..haha, but chinese can one la. At most drop to express chinese. (: Anyway, the fish teacher always say "ni men dou bu gao ji, na she me gao ji hua wen" Tsktsk, woah thank goodness tmr don't have her lesson *big grins*

HAZE is coming..use mask k!! And DENGUE is rising and the GST is like shit please. Stupid govt wants to bully small kids like us. ): hahahahhaha! Shawn just told me "happy labour day" *slaps face* and then later he said "I'm bored" Shawn will always be shawn. HAAHHAHA. So I have a friend called april's fool, the other named labour day.

METAL is the bigbomb love

2007-07-01T21:08:00.001+08:00

I am super addicted to "Beautiful people" and "The kkk stole my baby away". Alternative Metal's the big time bomb. So my iPod is now 99% English, 1% Chinese. And amongst that 99% of English, it's 30% religious and 70% punk.

I lost 2 kg this week! :D Hee, hopefully this week can go swim and hit the gym. I heart Safra a lot! And might just join SAC but I am scared of that rock wall and fear for no time. But I want to climb the wall..haha, I am contradicting myself. Nevermind, I shall just go for wakeboard lessons first. It'll be a week after I ______ but I still can't confirm if I really want to _______. I feel like, but then I am scared but I want. Okay, mixed.

I NEED TO STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!
-pulls hair-

Now I am sure that it was all just a facade
You people are like plastic faces to me now

the Only One Tea Makers

2007-06-30T14:12:00.000+08:00

Credited to only one tea makers trainer, Lindsay.

Still missing camp. Woke up at 1130am, just to realise that I have nothing much to do. I hate that kind of empty feeling, you just don't feel anything. Yet I don't want to go nexus.

But, I am going to change my phone SOON and I'm going for beginner wakeboarding lessons! Or maybe, waterskii. I don't know which one to choose but I am going for sure. If you want to join me please tell me ok! :D

I wanted to go swim juzt now so I walked to Yishun swimming complex using the longest way. Ha, I reached there only to realise that it is closed today. So, I went over to Safra Yishun. As all would know, the pool over there is only for member's usage on weekends so after walking all around Safra, I went near the pool..and an uncle helped me get a ticket. Thank goodness, haha..Swam 20 laps, which is about a kilometre. Felt superb, I simply love the feeling of being in water seriously. After swimming, I soaked in the pool while I look at people climbing the rock wall and crack wall. Looks so high and so scary..then suddenly, got reminded of camp again.. I miss the "farm" and of cuz the part whereby we're all traumatised by the sight of the high walls. I love the toilets at Safra, it's like hotel's toilet please..hahaha. After which, walked a whole big round, went passed Yishun park, went to Yishun CC, headed to Northpoint - cold storage then came home.

Sometimes I really wonder will I be able to, reach the peak.
I can see fireworks from my house!

Camp

2007-06-29T15:14:00.000+08:00

TEA-MAKERS ROCKS MY SOCKS! Y

Camp was sooooooo fun and my group rocketed. Hahahah, we are the tea-makers. That's what Lindsay calls us. Lindsay definately rocks a whole big lot! ♥ She's cranky, funny, serious, nonsensical, crazy, understanding and all of our good friend. After we broke camp, every one was like, "Ay, I miss Lindsay!" Awwww.. I miss her now! ): anyway, we went for 2 Hikes, High ropes and ummmmmm teambuilding stuffs which were all fun. I tried zipline & I heart hikes! Night trek rocks as much as Bukit Timah Hike altho we got lost on our way back. Bryan says, "LOSE WEIGHT!"

AND, ultimately my group, ONLY ONE won something. Fyi, Only One and tea-makers consist of the same people. Lol. Everyone else jeered at us but nevermind that, we're still happy kids. Thruout this camp, I've learnt so much.

I have photos to show..hahah, but then only till day2 cuz my camera batt died. The rest are with lindsay. till she sends me..

I miss camp. "I am serious. I mean it" Ha, for those who gets the joke. But I really do. It's so not me I know, but it's so fun you don't know.

2007-06-26T15:00:00.000+08:00

I'm like the saddest human being for now, I hate kcp level camps.
It is TOMORROW ):

I'll miss my bed, my room, my sis, my parents, my computer, my house, the fishtank, tv and most importantly you reading this, if you're not going for camp. HAHA.

To my beloved Pq, Priscilla (call for more rain! i don't want to do high ropes), Andrea, Geraldine & Josephine low all the best for chinese oral. I'll be praying at the campsite (stares at j and start laughing uncontrollably) And to big sis, pretty t & joysee tan, jiayou for midyrs! Love, love!

Bulldog sucks. For the very first lesson we've got a project lah. Boo, but for now, D&T is fun! I like the designing part even when I can't draw for goodness sake.

BYE, i haven't packed a thing yet. i'm waiting for my pack list.

School.

2007-06-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

BACKTOSCHOOL, double yucks.
My english teacher is now the oh-so-famous bulldog and geography teacher is Andrea's "favourite", Delia Foo. Her lesson is kind of alright. Don't ask me to compare b/w her and Miss kiew. They both are different and so are their pros and cons. I prefer Miss kiew though, and stop saying she can't teach la. People never undergo training to teach right, and by teaching you she's like doing you such a great favour. First english lesson is tomorrow, just go bang on the wall please. I WANT MISS CHYE! C'mon just get a life, she can teach for goodness sake. For first sem, so many of our classmates did well for English. Exceptionally well for my case since I don't come from an English speaking family and I got like 7th in class for English? That's a frigging good A2. Some people just don't know how much teachers sacrifice ok, and they just yak and yak. Teachers are beings too alright?

Oh anyway, school sucks mainly cause of the changes (but I end school at 1:15pm tmr!), all the dumb camps, some unreasonable people and of cuz people ard me. SUCKKKKK LAH, I can't avoid or what and the only thing I can do is to accept. I just think that I don't talk as much and I have difficulties expressing myself with them. Phew, thank God there are saturdays with j and big sister..being with them makes me feel so much more secure. Not forgetting you, aunty Andrea! Then again, j is going to take her o's soon (I hope you'll never go america to study la!) and big sis is taking her a's (jiayou ok!)

Camp is on wednesday, triple yucks.
I am not anticipating it, not because of all the jeerings but then my class is already in a mess what. So what's the deal over here? HAHAHAH, oh did I say that I went to school today and tried to be another hypocrite but you know what?! I failed terribly..hoo, I didn't scolded that person or what. I just didn't even bother speaking a word to her. Oh, for your information, there are two of them. Oh so camp. I haven't thought of what bag to bring, what clothes, how many and all. Im hoping I'll sprain my ankle or something. Even if I don't, I have to bring zillion-s of medication there. I have 2 kinds of allergies, my leg's old injury thanks to some guy from 2____ and migraine. My old injury is back at this very moment as I'm talking about it. Ok, go die.

Had council tday, everything's kind of screwed but then we tried to cover up the holes..hahahah, then it's kind of okay. Rayson's momma made us some choc-almond stuff and yay! SO NICE. We have food every meeting! Lol, gonna turn into fat pigs especially, MICHELLE. :P Did i say that fat stupid blue strawberry calls me tellytubbie now. Fat says "demonic", so blue strawberry listen up uh. Hahhaa, after meeting went to j8 to check stuffs with Andrea. Oh we were talking about sony all the way from Bishan to Yishun. We want to buy vaio and cybershot. T100 red is like omg, supeeeeeeeeeeeer nice.

The pine tree and I are doing something really stupid. Xtremely stupid and I wanna ask her smtg like, "Why are we wasting our time?" But it's damn funny that's it man. We roccccccccck. :D

I am going to start revision for EOY already la. I want to end up in a good-good class you know. God bless me, hahaha. Rich spirit says "practice, practice, practice!" MISSLIM!!!!!!! MATHS!!!! Oh my science is sucking the way thru too..hahah. I MUST STUDY. Huiying said last year that she's going to help me with Science! SO NICE RIGHT, big sis rocks. (: oh yay, PY road run is 7 july and Im "invited" to go back to help. Lol! Invited's such a nice word k.

2007-06-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

I hope I felt as good as yesterday but apparently I don't.

I feel damn sick (still with that friking headache and I feel like my forehead's burning, might be due to the weather) and then started sneezing and coughing all a little.. That feeling itself is enough to bring you down.. yeah, then the criticising session started when I went over to my gramp's like waah-ah-vore. I tell you I really can't stand them. WHATEVER man, just get lost.

I hate criticisms seriously seriously. I don't think playing reverse psychology works, at least for me. I'm extremely sensitive to words and I hate people saying like "wah you lidat lidat why why how what". I'll just reply you with three words "go and die". I don't get it why parents must criticise their kids and make their kids lose confidence in themselves. That's at the very least what my parents do to me, to show their "love" and "support" if there's any. You don't encourage me at all, you just bring me down even more. So actually, I don't tell my parents anything. I just don't feel like it and even if I ever get an award or what, I don't bother to tell them. They won't say like, "oh! well done! keep it up!". They'll be like, "oh, like that only..last time i like.." That's what my family does okay. I don't like it. Like c'mon get a life please, you don't know how much effort is put in and all. All you know is to say but do nothing. That's why every term when I return with my grades I'll end up weeping as if someone dear to me passed away. I might just be saying all these cause I'm stressed up but that's seriously what I've been putting up..just that I've never wrote about it on my blog.

There's also something else that made me quite upset today. For like the don't know how many millionth time I feel insecure maybe cause I am not rooted in the word. Well, but I do feel it for some reasons I don't want to say.

Sigh, school starts tomorrow. I hope I've morning duty, hall is so hot and umm, I dont know who to partner, not that I have too much choices, but I don't have a choice. So funny right. Ok you're given permission to laugh at me. It's not funny for me tho..instead it's scary. I am not Sonja or Nickson or Anas. I cannot stand being left out in school altho somehow I think I'm the one that opts out. Mrs Lim gave us a talk during council camp which made sense for me but I can't find "new" friends cuz they are all already in clicks. Actually I don't know. But school to me is so much like horror.. and more.. scary stuffs. I don't see the reason why... for so many things that happens. And some pig that hates me is just trying to copy me and making me so "unoriginal". So I am in the fault for everything that happens. HAHAHA. I hate all of you. I don't abuse my authority can..I just do my work. IM NOT A SUCK UP cause apparently someone who is actually doesn't gets hated but I get. So tell me, WHAT IS THIS? Hahha, to think I still thought of the school as so great. Haha, dream on man Stella. After your 2 years it'll just be the same. The people won't change for the way you think and act. They are just so spoilt by the worldly's pleasure.

I hope I can stop saying "I hate" but I really do. Ugh, why is it only in media can I find the simplest form of joy that is yet so abundant? I am really going to carry weights and make my filming more stable. I need to loss weight too.

I just feel like banging my head on the wall now and say that the world sucks..school sucks even more, not because of the staffs but the people around me. Hypocrites..cant believe that I am going to school and be another hypocrite just to face them because I need to. Sometimes I feel really innocent (not to stage an act on my blog) but I really do, cuz I don't even do anything then I get drag into the picture and then I get framed. People hate me. They go and spread. Makes more people hate me.

Hate me for all you like, I dont give a damn. I dont want to be nicey-nice anymore. You all are getting on my nerves. Now, the facts. To hy, I want to tell you that I wasn't the one that told _______ about what you've said. If you don't believe then forget it and continue hating. To jx, you can forget about being "oh-so-nice" in front of me cause my impression of you have been totally spoiled. Stop spreading rumours that I did this that to you, and that I spoiled your whatsoever plan because you didn't even tell me a thing and at that very moment, people are rushing for time. You were angry at me, but did you know that I WAS TOO? Because you screamed at me in front of the whole class. Was that a very fun thing to do? Continue hating..continue hating..

But I'll never apologise even at the sight of my grave for I did not do anything wrong. For hy's case it's clear just that I didn't mention who said to _______ and for jx's case. i was angry but i didn't went to tell all the girls that i was and made them all on my side like you did. i am upright, not upsidedown.

I AM DONE.

Lovers!

2007-06-23T17:07:00.000+08:00

Hello! Im home from a super rewarding "trip". Council camp was alright, had fun during games..haha and the part where Xinmin and Michelle would let us off while the guys will be ekfwjl away. I think codebreaker was the best game ever k. And sec2 council cheer rawks. Hurhur, didn't really join them for training except a bit on announcing and since I've done all the rest before alr, Felicia let me off to church.

Initially didn't wanted to go to nexus cause I have a lot of imcomplete work and I was damn tired. Till such extend that when my mom tried to wake me up at 7am (for three times) I didn't even realise it at all. I only woke up at 715am. However, I had already confirmed that I was going for duty so I made my way there, not reluctantly tho. By the time I reached cuppage it was already like 1150am so I had to rush to change and all, especially since I was doing stg cam. Haha, was really worn out and ummmm, stressed out, I can say. I was in a blurrr when filming during praise and worship. Didn't film instruments that much (cause I was far too busy this week to check out the songs) and instead filmed loads of closeup audience. I'm starting to love the camera other than it's weight and size. Haha.

After p&w, I get to slack. Basically sat around, helped Gina to do main cam when she goes toilet, helped Jo to massage her back and did walkie talkie, oh i mean listen to them talk. hurhurhur! Ohhhhh, big sister Huiying gave me a very "shuang" massage, according to her. But it's relatively pain - I was yelling away.. but then again, thanks! Altar call was awesome, I love the atmosphere which allows me to film even better and somehow forget about the weight load. I simply love the way yhope plays Mighty to Save. (:

Oh well, I guess today's LOVE day! Big sis not just helped me to massage my back, she also bought me currypuff with a "xiaomeimei! and a heart shape" on it. Not the exact but you get the gist right! Haha, then after service Jess bought me drink and we chatted. Then realised that I left my shoebag in mm room and called dear jo, she helped me to take it la. So went to meet her and then aft that we went to starbucks to chill. Haha, thank you you three. I seriously don't know how to express my love other than saying a big big I love you and thanks for blessing my day, encouraging me, knowing (or not) that I'm totally stressed out. Thanks shep, half-shep and my closest friend in church!

Presenting to you..
Huiying my pree-tee-est da jie jie!

Jess!

& finally, my ever lovely jo!
huiying asked today "why you both see each another so happy uh?" (okay, j I've changed picture!)

2007-06-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

We're back, over and done with.

Statistics
Overall expenditure: More than 60$
Total time spent: About 6 months
Presentation timeline: Around 10min
Presentation content: Short clip & powerpoint.
Judges reactions: They gave us the "I-don't-give-a-damn" look.
Chances of getting into finals: 0.1%
Mistakes made: Didn't finish up the project. Did not spend enough time. Not focused enough and not enough commitment made.
Remarks: Cass & I are going to sign up for Lsbp 07/08 (:

Rawwwwwwr, frankly speaking I didn't really liked our panel of judges but nevermind that cause I couldn't make a difference but you know what?! Hahaha, my "thank you for your $100 attention" succeeded la! They laughed at it. Hurhur. The presentation was kind of tough cause it was nerve racking, I managed to put up my best I hope. However, the process was even tougher. From the scratch and all, plus, there was this group from Fairfield that had the same topic as ours. Their chocs looks good and is um, very scientific. Ours on the other hand was, ugly? It was scientific but we didn't really know what we were doing. Oh well, it's a good learning experience. As said like always, "it's the process that matters the most." It really is. After the presentation I knew we're not gonna make it for the next round, even tho results aren't even released till this very minute. I was close to breaking down, but didn't..Haha, thank goodness. I liked both partners I was working with, we've come to end of this project but thank you girls!! For coming down to my house (which is somehow located the furthest from all of yours) and giving your ulmost best! Im very very, extremely proud of our group (sincerly from my heart) even if what we will be getting is just a certificate of participation. Best of it all is, Cass & I want to play again lah! WE WANNA PLAY. Wheeeeeeeeee! So fun okay, and this time round cass we're going to use up the whole 1 year and not just 6 months okay! Hahaha, Im so gonna do this whole thang over again regardless of whatever, even if that means not going overseas during this dec. I lubdub this thing can!! :D

Aknowledgement, special thanks.
We had a very nice teacher in charge, which was too our Science teacher. She helped us quite a big deal (To the extend that she allowed us off during Science lesson to do this proj) and motivated us a lot. Thank you Ms tay. We also have a very caring principal whom prayed for us together with Mr chong, the fulltime Youth-for-Christ guy who is gonna be in our school. Finally, my two fair ladies!

I only have pictures of the dearie three, umm..not myself - so sorry, they're with Ms tay. So there you go, my three nice "teammates"! <3 you all!

Honestly, I am not those kind who would like to opt out for fun, so maybe that's why I'm signing up for next year's lsbp again. I like this kind of fun and excitement, like getting a "name" out of all your hardwork but all glory returns to the Lord. It does your school proud.

Kcp is a name known by hardly anyone else except in the vicinity. Even when we mentioned our school's name when asked, hardly anyone could spell it for fear of spelling it wrongly or even know what on Earth is that. But I strongly believe if we want to do, like Mr low would always put it. We're as good as Raffles Girls, Cresent, Cedar or any other prestigious schools if we want to. We might even outdo them with the tenacity of wanting to achieve and strive for the better. We have what it takes, as how Ms tay would phrase it. But it can only be done when all our hearts unite as one aiming for the same goal. Some teachers do not believe. They do not believe that a school like Kcp can achieve good grades during O's, to the extend of getting into IP. Neither do they believe that such schools will be able to bring out the best of every child (quoting from Peiying's core values) As such, when teachers themselves don't even believe, how can the students achieve? Same applies when councilors don't set as examples, how would the students even listen to the teachers? Or even, you, as a councilor.

Like I've put up on my profile, I strongly believe in making a difference and touching lives where ever you go, what ever you are. You might be a outstanding photographer, touching lives of many through visuals. You might be a psychologist, changing and moulding a better future. A teacher, the future is in YOUR hands.

I don't really like people who will try to "siam" from this kind of fun and even knowledge when they know they can do it, might even outdo me. But the point why they won't try is because they can't commit and they don't want to. Why not give yourself and the fun a chance? You won't miss out on that fun, seriously.

My current fave song.

2007-06-22T01:43:00.000+08:00

So far yet so near (Quoted from a hk drama serial)

Finally finished up video editing, ppt & banner feeling ultra great now. Can watch 10 episodes of my series bfore sleeping but haha, I need to do homework. I haven't pack the chocs and all.

It's in less than 13hours time..ughh. Get ready to set off..hahaha, I think my group has been the most troublesome group. Hohoho, but hope we do well. Getting into top 6 will be a joy, but seems so far away. There are 80 over teams you see, so I really don't know what is doing well? Giving our best shot? Seeing all the effort put in properly? Or does it really mean that we have to get into top 6 to do well?

Okay, shall share my chinese reflection with you (:
身为华人，说我从没吃过粽子是骗人的。但，说我不知道粽子的价钱是真的。这是因为我从来没买过粽子。

最近看到报纸写着 "粽子起价"，我么都不相信。但看了看我才知道原来一个粽子在端午节能卖两块二!! 那真的是很贵! 两块二能在我家楼下买一碗面，吃饱一餐呢! 但是我也觉的很庆幸因为价格的镇长也表示新加坡人还很注中传统节日才会舍得花买面的钱来买粽子。

亲眼看到粽子的价格也使我感到非常的幸福。我从来也没买过粽子的原因是婆婆每逢端午节都会亲手下厨，烹饪出不少的粽子给我爸爸的弟兄姐妹们带回家和他们各自的家人，也就是和我们分享。

这张报章使我更珍惜眼前人和他们为我们做的牺牲。就说我的婆婆，她并不须要动手下厨的，但是为了我们的健康着想她以"牺牲小我完成大我"的心理每年都把那包的美美，馅料丰富的粽子热乎乎的送给我们。手中的粽子随热，但心里也不禁有一种被重视，温暖的感觉。

2007-06-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

I got my class tee! Hahah, well not really very very very pretty that kind but I like the front and the rest of councilors whom saw said that it was quite nice. Just as fine (:

Meeting was the longest ever in history today. Hur, we met from 9:30am to around 1pm without food except sweets and colored drinks with intersection of about 10 mins talking to MsLim but it was a good meeting cuz we settled on most things. Say yaaaaaaaay and actually we don't really have to do a lot.

After meeting came back to Yishun with Andrea, went pop to get firewire and then went Delifrance for lunch. Initially when I tried the firewire I thought I got the wrong one lah, and it costs $14.90, can you imagine how much my heart sank. Plus that also means we'll have to make do with ppt!! So ate my baked rice while trying to edit a bit then I realised I plug wrongly la! :P Hoho, so the point now is - the video is somewhat done! Ima happy kid but then again I realised I haven't buy the box to put all the stupid chocs inside and haven't print the banners yet. AND! I have to be like some auntie dragging my feet to school tmr, I need to bring the ingredients, the choc, the file, the banners. mygawd lah.

2007-06-20T21:40:00.000+08:00

Hello earth, I've been busy, or maybe is I never plan my time properly and rushing all the last min stuffs. Display is on friday and we don't have firewire but thank God I managed to borrow it from Chenxiang! Hope it's the correct one or I'll have to spend 20bucks on the stupid wire.

Anyway, Renee and Cassandra dropped by today and we made the coffeelates (by far, the best we ever made) Hahahha..then made a mess at my house and realised we don't have firewire! Hurhurhur, went to pop to check and didn't buy. Asked jiayi, hy, aloy, mh, abigail, j, zx and everyone else but no one had la other than cx. After sending them off went to meet mummy and went to eat at chinatown. Not very nice and pls don't ever go there, we spent some $260 plus on umm, some very disgusting oily food and even the birds nest suck like hell.

Tomorrow's gonna be another long day. Might be dropping by Pras' bday party if I have the time..but most of the time will be rushing my homework (especially cheenapok hwk) and then do my video. Video's gonna be tough cause I returned most of what was taught to me to Mitchell. Hahahaha..omg omgggg, council meeting tml morning somemore. Okay, byebye mango sale. Sucks. Friday Im gonna be some madwoman with all the coffeelates, my laptop and I still have to go meet my shepherd.

I think I'd better go start on my video's starting and, um, cheenapok hwk!

2007-06-19T19:03:00.000+08:00

001. Real Name - Stella tan wan yee
002. Nickname - Lala, xiao mei mei
003. Single or Taken - Single
004. Zodiac Sign - Libra
005. Male or Female - Female
006. Elementary School- Kuo chuan presbyterian secondary
007. Ipod - Yes, I love my red iPod!
008. How many buddies on your list - Hmm, depends. Quite a few actually =)
009. List down the group names - 6A05, 2Fh, Kcpsc, Infocomm, Youth Media, CE2.
011. Friendster Name - Stella Tan
012. Hair Color - Black
013. Hair Long or Short - Long
014. Eye Color - Dark brown. um, nearly black yes.
015. Are you health freak - No.
016. Height - 164cm
017. Do you have a crush on someone - No
018. Do you like yourself - I self-cherish (:
019. Braces? - Might be putting but hope not
020.Think you're awesome? - In some ways, but not the other.
021. Piercings - Erm 4, but I closed 2.
022. Tattoo - No thanks
023. Surgery - Nope
024. First Piercing - K2?
025. First Best Friend - Jency & Shamien :D
026. First Award - Overall 1st in my Kindergarden district
027. First CCA - Math club
028. First Pet - Goldfish
029. First Vacation - M'sia
030. First Concert - No idea
031. First Love - Crush? P2, I think.
032. First Kiss - When I was a babaye!

.Favorites
033. Movies - UM, I cannot rmb!
034. Tv Shows - HK drama serials, TAR, TARA, Fear Factor, Deal or no deal, etc.
035. Colours - RED! Dull pink (more on the reddish side), Orange, Green (:
036. Music - Hillsong (United, London, Kids), Augustana, Akon, All americians reject..
037. Properties - My iPod & Camera.
038. Food - Pineapples
039. Drink - Lipton tea, thankyou :D
040. Body Part [excludes your face] - My hands, hahahha.
041. Cartoon - None
042. Hang Outs - As long as there are nice people ard.
043. Brand Of Clothing - Threadless & Old navy.
044. What Do You Sleep With - Casual clothings
045. School - Peiying!
046. Animal(s) - Hamsters maybe.
047. Book - All kinds of storybooks!
048. Magazine - All
049. Where Are You - Living room
050. Eating - Nothing
051. Drinking - Saliva?
052. I'm About To - Eat dinner to continue with my drama serial
053. Listening To - Some cheenapok song.
054. Watching - My serial.
055. Waiting For - Nothing?
056. Wearing - Teeshirt?
057. Thinking Of - How to answer this thingy?
058. Partner - What?
059. Want Kids - Probably, in the future.
060. Want to Get Married - Probably, in the future
061. Honeymoon- If I get married, yeah.
062. Job - Teacher/Photographer
063. House - Anywhere comfy
Which is better with the Opposite Gender?Pls do not be greedy. Choose 1 only
064. Lips or Eyes - Eyes
065. Hugs or Kisses - Hugs
066. Shorter or Taller - Taller
067. Romantic or Spontaneous - Romantic.
068. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms - Nice arms.
069. Sensitive or Loud - Sensitive
070. Hook-up or Relationship - Relationship.
071. Sweet or Caring - Both can?
072. Trouble Maker or Hesitant - Hesitant.
073. Kissed a Stranger - Preferably NOT. Lol.
074. Drank bubbles - What do you mean?
075. Lost glasses/contacts - Nope
076. Ran Away From Home - No thanks.
077. Broken A Bone - No.
078. Got an X-ray - No.
079. Broken Someone's Heart - Hope not.
080. Turned Someone Down - Um..yah.
081. Cried When Someone Died - Thank God. (Get my meaning har?!)
082. Cried In School - Yes
083. Pee-ed In Your Pants - When Im younger?
084. Beat Up Somebody - Like how? Don't think so.
085. Got Beaten Up - Nope.
086. Ended Up In Hospital - When I was given birth?
087. Stolen Something - Umm, yes.
You Believe In
088. Spirits - Holy spirit?
089. God - Yes
090. Miracles - With God.
091. End Of The World - Yeah
092. Love At First Sight - Depends
093. Aliens - Im not three years old.
094. Magic - Heh, tricks you mean.
095. Heaven - Yeah
096. Santa Claus - No
097. Sex On The 1st Date - No way please.
098. Kissing on the First Date - Depends but don't think so.
099. Angels - Ha yes.
Answer Truthfully
100. Is There someone You Want To be with right now - Don't think so.

SIS AND I SPENT $20 AT THE ARCADE TRYING TO GET THE STUPID PHONE. AND WE WERE ONLY 1 STEP AWAY. DAMN THAT MACHINE. Hahahhaa. Bye Earth. It's gonna rain! Hv fun at nancy drew's jo & you rock kkay (im super nice la!) hahhaha.

Oh, Happy birthday to Cass & Xinyu! :D

2007-06-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday, Zixuan aka Black Mcdull pig! :D
Thanks for being a wonderful friend these 4 years. (*slaps face. isit 4?)
Ps: must must must have te reunion during dec ok?

Happy birthday in adv to Cassandra!
Dining with you always bombards my pocket..hurs.

Happy 4-teens..(:

2007-06-17T15:08:00.000+08:00

It's a breezy sunday and happy father's day.

Hmm, recently I lost my comb and it can't be found anywhere. I guess thats as good as losing everything. No, I am not referring to the comb. Um, some other things.

Kay, Augustana is good.

Insecurity

2007-06-16T21:11:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday cheryl leong! (:

My leg joints are aching cause I played swing too much last night (it's not really my type somemore) and my shoulders are aching cause of carrying heavy stuffs. Ha, I need a massage. Im really tired, slept at 3am last night and woke up at 8am today. That is very much like a killer.

Didnt had bbq today due to the little drizzle but went ahead with prawn fishing anyway. Both my sisters and my cousin prawn fished except for me. I was listening to my iPod. Anyway, da jie caught this SUPER gigantic prawn and they caught 4 prawns in all costing $14.90 (x 3). Had dinner at 'taste of thai' and Im damn full now. Tomorrow going to eat homemade ba zhang..mommy might be steaming the prawns tonight but I cant eat. Stupid allergy. But still, we're going for chalet during Dec to celebrate my aunt & uncle's company, Seanly private limited's 10th Anniversary. (:

I used to be very afraid of being alone which means I need to be someone 24hours long all 7 days of the week. Even tho now Im not, there are still things I am afraid of. Like, losing your friends for no apparent reasons. Otherwise, seeing people I love change.. All these because people that used to be my best friends left me alone for I don't know what and they aren't whom I've known when I first met them. I am afraid that one day, I will be replaced. But now, I think I already am just that it isn't made that obvious.

Insecured, again.
Jesus, take my heart again..don't leave me behind in the wilderness. I know, it was me whom didn't wanted to walk any longer but, I still.. do love You and don't bear to let go. Remind me over and over again that I don't need anyone, just You will do.

You said you don't know me
And you don't even care

Class Gathering (:

2007-06-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

Im home, showered, clean and all (: But sadly I have to wake up early for project tomorrow! Lol, but guess it is worth it. Cass & Renee you both are not allowed to be late eh! Hur (: (:

Something always happen during our gathering - so funny. The first one someone jumped into the reservoir, the second time was seoul (i didn't go) and heard Zix & Ccw ate till they didn't want to leave the place. The third time..

Our bbq was a disaster, didn't manage to start the fire, sorry everyone but thanks for still paying your $7.50, hope it was fun! 29 people turned up, namely Michelle Yong, Gena, Shihui, Chunhui, Gwendolyn, Adeline, Linkai, Xinyi, Peiying, Louise, Peixuan, Elina, Xingyi, Cheryl, Sock yie, Qianting, Zixuan, Zixin, Ccw, Ruofan, Hankun, Weida, Guanthong, Yuchen, Joseph and I can't rmb already la!

Hah, but it was a true rare species gathering and the breakthrough was, the guys and girls caught up! Haha, we played duck-duck-goose inspired by Michelleyong and animal farm inspired by mm retreat 06. Animal farm was darn funny, they all didn't want to stand and make the noise, tsktsk. Hee, but duck & goose was fun especially Ruofan and Zixuan - they were freaking funny. Zix said a joke that wasn't funny for his forfeit -_-

Zixin and Cheryl then tried to set up the fire and used up all 40 firestarters but still can't even by 8pm. Lol, so by 8pm we decided to celebrate Zixuan's bday with a small cake, bday song and plates of whipped cream on his face (ccw decided to eat that due to extreme hunger) Hur.. cleaned up, took photos then went to play captains ball. Captains ball was nice (guys versus girls) and Zix actually asked "you all want to play boys-vs-girls or girls-vs-boys" Hahahha so funny. Lol, then there was this uncle and his grandson wanting to cross where we were playing and Yuchen was super funny lah. He is such a joker, when we were playing animal farm he said we have to measure the circumference of the circle! hahhaha.

Parted ways after that and most of the girls went to Mc'd to have dinner and I kept staring at Sockyie until all three tables of us laughed like some crazy women :D I want kailinleow to plan next gathering lah, but we're not going to go near water nor cook ourselves again! haha go chalet and order pizzahut, mc'd, kfc and all the deliveries. :D

love 6A! (: (:

goodnight momma earth!

2007-06-14T17:18:00.001+08:00

Hello! Happy Birthday mummy! Haha, went to AMK hub with Cassandra and erjie just now to choose cake after lunch at Swensens with Cass, erm, that includes the project :D Heh!

Cass had sirloin steak which didn't looked very good and her comment was that Cartel's better. We wanted to go Cartel initally to look for my good friend, the blackboard! Haha, but Cartel wasn't opened at 11plusplusplus, so we went to Swensens. I had Salmon & Mushroom pasta which was slurping good la. :DD We had setmeal and the ice cream sucked..hah, after the entire meal we ordered italian soda, the italian soda was zomgzomg nice kay! We're going there on Satzzie again! Yayyyyyyyy. But boos to the staffs, they didn't return us our receipt. Hahaha. And oh, we took the stir-rers home. Oh so funny.

Hur, after that headed to AMK Hub harbouring no hopes of meeting ahemahem and gladly didn't meet ahemahem! :D Hahaha, went to shop around and I hate converse now, totally. The thought of it irks me. I want M600, someone please get it for me. Singtel is a total blood sucker, $498 with line, $798 without contract when Cass & I saw one without line at $370 or around there. Im changing my phone soon! Haha but was telling Cass I dont need one with good music functions cause I have my iPod and I dont need one with sharp camera cause I have my camera. So in all, I don't know why I need a phone except to call and to message. Maybe, to play games.

Right, I want my pasta again, it is so much better than pastamania, really!
Once again, Happy birthday mummy and gathering's tomorrow! <3 Says hellos to leowlinkai! And cassymakmakmak, lets go seoul garden after the presentation next frizeeeeee! Hahahahah i want my treat. I have two pending treats from Abigail & Cass. yay, thanks girls! :D

2007-06-13T20:48:00.000+08:00

It's READ! Singapore. Whees, the doubling of books borrowed and the time span is most loved. Yay, like so what if I'm a book worm? I'm a moderate book worm, happy? Hahahah! Gosh, I think I'm nuts. Tomorrow will be heading down to Bishan, hopefully not to bump into CE2. Hah. Anyway, Im not going for council meeting cause I'm meeting Cass to discuss about our project stuffs before meeting Renee on Saturday. After that gonna buy my mom's birthday cake cause tomorrow's her birthday! Happy birthday mummy!! :DDDDDDD Stella is a good girl kay. Heheheh. My sisters too, I mean goooooo. Hahah.

I hope I won't oversleep tomorrow. And I can't wait for Frizee!! :D

Zix: Hello pig mcdull but you don't have a heart of gold. ugh, boo you. hahahah.
Nurul: Run after Shrek!! hurs.
Geraldine: According to SOMEONE, go anyday also free. hahahaha anyway tomorrow break camp already!
Cass: You and your lame analogies that doesn't makes sense, at all!

2007-06-12T17:01:00.000+08:00

Went to pick up my favourite mm friend just now, chatted about several individuals, camp events and collected my shirts from her. The shirts are nicer than class t, so they're quite nice to be exact. We might go down to sports school again tomorrow, but it depends. We might see the ball flying and if I go, my caregroup will be in shock cause I never tell them at all. And anyway, J is a better girl than me now so her cg should be thankful yah.

Okay, Im going to read my storybook. I think I should start reading christian literature before Satan comes and tempt me. Hahahhaa, kay, bye. No, Im going to watch teevee. :D

I want the new Mac OS X Leopard and the red sony t-100! Leopard is only coming out after my birthday lah, I hate Apple. Hahahahaa, hurry leh. Dad hurry get a laptop for me lah, it's like fejkhwjkw everyone in the family has one except me. ): ):

2007-06-11T22:07:00.001+08:00

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I'm anxious about life science presentation preps and of course the actual presentation itself. I think our business plan was totally crap. Haha, Cassandra and I were thinking about it just now & seems so scary with all those people you don't know and I stumble when I am nervous, like Founders Day! Oh crap, but I can't wait still. I am proud of our project, I am happy that our project turned out well. From the simplest brainstorming sessions, to the hardest hands-on and evaluation. Thank God for seeing as through the seasons as we grow and learn. Of course the many that helped! :D

2007-06-11T02:09:00.000+08:00

I realised I haven't been sleeping at an earthly hour these days thank to the all powerful and awesome Red alert II. Played mission quest and skirmish today, both halfway and decided to pause cause my brains can't take it any longer. Right, it's kind of addictive but I promise I'll be a good girl and study okay!

I've been blogging at 1, 2 am but apparently I'd take down my posts the next morning partly because I'm somewhat typing in a subconscious mind now..haha, nvermind. This is my 923rd post, or somewhere there. Been blogging really a lot. Don't knw whether it's good or bad, but anyhow those who are late night owls, do get to see my honourable posts. Lol.

Tomorrow's camp, and I doubt I'd be going. J is dropping by on Tues, G wants to drop by tomorrow cause it's free from noon to 5pm and I want to drop by on wednesday. How interesting can this get? If it's on different days, then I think I won't be going. J just pass me my shirts on Tues when you're on your way back okay! Yay, thanks J! <3 "go and die, bye" hahaha I really love the way you speak! It's crude, but to those who understands it's humour. Wahaha.

I suddenly thought of the amazing race we had during council camp last year for no reasons at all, but I do miss it! Anyway, caught up with Gena bestie tday and yay, we're going out with Michelle next Friday. So don't mind us if the organisers are late for the gathering. Eh, Zixuan take charge. Lol. Really really really miss these girls gazilions and of course in it, there are lots of Y! Bestfriends like Michelle, Gena and SerLin can never be replaced and stupid, retarded, spastic & fun memories remains. The scariest moment was with some stupid guy, freaking me out with every word he said. Like omgawd shite. Hahaha. Thinking of it now, it was such a joke. I hope it never happens again, ermmm, not really never, but not now at least.

Ms tay made me envious of her pooh. Her Pooh travels more than I do and she gets to drink coffee, which is my number 1 enemy so I don't mind. :D Speaking of Ms tay reminds me of sometwo. I seriously want to push a knife into their backs, but I'm not so evil yah. Oh shite, now I'm thinking of Scream. I hope I'd still be able to sleep. I think I will be, cause sis is back from KL. She bought dunkin' donuts(I LOVE THE CUSTARD), durian chocs, almond chocs, COFFEE CHOCS (my number 1 enemy again) and lots of foodstuffs. You are coordinately invited to my house to sample all foodstuffs, cause my house has too much of it. You are invited if, you are a glutton (: I think I've gained at least 2kilos from all these good food. ): Time to swim and hit the gym!

Back to the point, that two girls. They are seriously horrible. I really don't want to say that but they are really terrible, like vegetables. Even vegetables are better because it provided dietary fibres but if I'd ever eat them, I think I'd gain at least 2904352439 pounds and no dietary fibres at all. kjerwqqwl, my blood's boiling. They're suckers, suck-ups, extremely not-good-friends you'll ever get and hypocritical. If you understand 假惺惺, that's exactly what they are! I've never had such friends that can do that to me. I smell vinegar, very strong smell of that. Ha, it's because of that they backstabbed me for all the fame and glory they had to 'sacrifice' me, a nicer way of phrasing it. I'm like the scapegoat kind of thing, when they did it then they'll push everything to me and it seems like everything's my fault when I did nothing. So great, be like me, do nothing and get framed. It's a whole lot of bullshite, and some people can still believe them. Lol, I must have been a public nuisance. HAHAHAH, I find it really funny. I mean seriously funny.

After me clearing up the mess, the "some people" do come and apologise but I'm still waiting for that two to realise their mistakes. I hope they do, cause they are treating it as if the world belongs to them and the whole world owes them a living. Like c'mon, please wake up to your senses and stop pushing the blame to the rest. Be a man, do the right thing. If you have done it just own up, it won't cost you your life, will it? In fact, it'll make you a better person, more responsible for your own actions. Right. I don't think they'll ever read this, or even if they do, they won't know that it refers to them and I actually know so much. Some people think that I've got spies, but I don't. Just be careful of what you say cause words can mean a lot to some people, like me. I can't forgive what people say but I can forgive what people do. But of course, time heals everything, provided that you do not do anymore harm to me.

Hopefully the next 6 months will be smoother, a bit not so rocky and happier like the custard 'smiley' dunkin' donut! :DD I'd really wanna be out of the picture but I can't seem to be, even when I'm doing nothing. I still get involved. Stop pulling me leh, pull some other people, see what will they do! Hmpf.

Kay, a bit tired and my face is so greasy, can pan-fry vegetables already eh. So bubyes and y-hopes do enjoy your camp and take care! Many <3 from S!

(Edited 1:32pm)
---------------------------------------------
YOUhuai: hey! didnt know you have a blog. sorry, took so long to link you :p
Hello, it's okay! I think I didn't tell you either, hahahha :D

peiqin: why without me your posts are like, sad =.=
peiqin: haagen day day day day daysssssssssssssssssss
Who says without you then sad? With you even more sad, you keeping bullying me! Hhahahahah! No lah it's been quite some time already so yah. Days is nice right! Next time we go Malcolm's place. B&J, hahah. :D

murphi: stella. rmb me mahs? hao jiu bu jian. how's life ? x]
Hello, I thought you don't know me, so actually you do. Hah, Im doing fine.

cass: lol!bees...bees are good ok,they provide honey.if they sting me then i'll become beewoman!
NONSENSE! Bee sting you then die alr, provide what honey!

josephine: heh, love doing duty with you!
I love doing duty with you too. hahah, cause Im like the only person you know right? *mwahahha* eh, have you read what i told you to? my bestfriends are better than yours. NOT. So not fair, I'm still envious that you changed your @!#%!~!@(!

2007-06-10T14:51:00.000+08:00

I seriously think that if you carry that vcam 4 times a month, you can be a body builder. But it's fun, it's seriously fun. Muscle aches might be good thing too, train your muscles. Haha, maybe that's why Aloysius is strong. Actually, Im not exactly sure either.

Rawr. I just realised so many people got attached recently -.- Haha, not my kind of thing. Like what's the point cause you know it won't last and whats more waste time & affect studies. Actually if you have friends whom goes out w you 24/7 during school days/exams aren't exactly good either. Alrights, no offense (:

My wish is that my birthday will arrive quickly! It's a saturday eh, can't do much cause there's church but I'd love love love to do duty on that day. Hahaha, call me nuts or whatever lah, I still have no idea who and how will I be spending my bday. It's still like 3 months away. Quit dreaming, Stella. Right. Im going for my shower. Taz.

2007-06-09T16:12:00.000+08:00

So, finally, after days and weeks, I finally went for service added on with duty. On my way to Nexus, I met this sick pervert on the MRT. I shall not elaborate on that sick pervert. Haha. Reached nexus not very early, did qt with the rest, prayed then set up the stage cam with Gina, erm, I mean mainly coiling wires. But thank God too, cause I finally know how to coil in 'eight-shape'. I know Im wols okay..hahah! Huiying then taught me how to carry about the approx 2kg camera with the wires around the stage. Lol, played around then went back to mm room..

Service actual was okay..filming was fine, but the camera was heavy. Moving about was kind of a problem too, cause Dennis and the keyboard were quite close. However, the camera battery died on me before worship ended. Call that both good and bad. Hy thought it was connection loose, but it allowed me to rest my hands and did a bit of worship. Went back to mm room after p&w, saw j and chatted. She say my camera lousy, haha nvmd she doing stg soon cause she laughed at me. hahhaha, went to see our bestfriends after service but couldn't find some of them so went home.

Home now, cooked instant noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner..only to realise I can't carry heavy things now. Yah, I lousy..haha but pain okay. But I think stage cam is fun, cause you can do whichever angle you want to, exposure and what you want to shoot! I like shooting the guitarist and keyboardist cause the bassist and drummer are like so far away from me and the music stand is in the way. The audience during worship was a nice sight too. So conclusion, stg cam is fun except that it's hard to move around and there's a chance of falling off the stage steps and tripping over the wires. Okay lah, to me all the equipments in mm room are gooooood and very fun ;) Camp next week, j's going part time and i might join her on wed after the swim with Andrea. I want to see the media tees! And maybe our bestfriends.

Freak, my hands are aching.. But Im missing my own camera and nexus' vcam alr. ): ):

2007-06-08T19:37:00.000+08:00

IT IS 7:38PM NOW
I haven't swept the floor! Er, I mean sweep.

But then, I FINISHED LIFE SCI BIZ PLAN COMPT EXECUTIVE SUMMARY(R&D and Business plan) Woots, very tough job, but damn fun. Prompts Cass & Renee that show and tell session's on 22nd june. Prep, prep! Haha, no lah, rest. This whole thing's been so hectic but finally coming to an end. ;) Thanks Cass, Renee, Ms tay, Cass mom, Jeriel, my sis and myself (HAHAH) and good luck.

Oh yah, had meeting today but it wasn't productive eh cause Ms lim went to collect notes and the genetically modified blue strawberry from Welfare was around to distract us. Also, there weren't really a lot of brains..only 6 brains - Xinmin, Michelle, Jeremy, Sean, Rayson and myself. Haha, but still there's progress!

I hvn't prep for tomorrow yet & I hvn't done duty for like 1 over month?! ejltrgkfdew. I hope I won't be a bad camera woman tmrw by God's grace ;)

心里有很多话要说。。但，不知从哪儿开始，哪儿结束。。

被出卖的感觉不好，但还好希望从来也没发生过。我不但不能原谅，更不能忘记。那事好像一直存在我脑袋里，不肯出来。像一个播不完的影片，在我脑子里从播了又从播。嫉妒的感觉更是不应该有。但，"嫉妒"一直在敲打我门口。

好希望大家都不会读华语哦，那我就能把要说的一切写完。

我真想好好读书。
但我怎样读，都赢不了"你们"。
我虽然专心停课，"你们"正在专心地玩或讲话，但被骂的却是我。Conduct 好的也是你。这是什么歪理嘛?!

真是的。。不说啦。
因为你不明白的还有很多，我也不想说。
好希望今天会下一场倾盆大雨

宛俞上
Now all I need to say, is how much I need you.

It's fascinating to see how fast and how much you've changed within such a short period of time. I mean really. You leave me without any words in my mouth to utter cause, I give up.

2007-06-07T20:17:00.000+08:00

跌倒后要懂得站起来,
就像失败后要继续努力
以今天的努力
取得后天的成功..

所谓有借有还，再借不难。
做错事道歉是理所当然的事情。
你们不但没道歉还想和我做朋友，简直是不把我当人看待。

谢谢你们在这一年半内给予的完美回忆，多达1000多长的相片及那些 "好友谊"。老实说，我真的放不下。但是，也被逼不得以才要这佯作。

我真的不是以前的宛俞了。我一直把你们当成好友对待但你们对我做的一切是没人能受的了的。我是不会道歉的，因为我自认没错。除非，你能告诉我错在了那里。
若你是我你会怎么做? 放弃一切或为了这些事天天烦恼?
想想看。。你到底把我当做了谁?

不想了! 哈哈。今天与"我我"和二姐去烘饼干，把婆婆家弄得一团遭! 但真的很好玩。虽然她们两和起来欺负我这个小妹妹，我知道是玩玩罢了。不像那些假惺惺的人! 说了就生气。好啦，我想对"我我"说这两天和你在一起真的很好玩，更好笑。起初担心因为我们的种种分别会产生怪怪的感觉，但最终没有! 哈哈，要好好读书在会考中考好成绩! 不要整天睡觉握! Elizabeth Swann must study hard if not Captain Sparrow will hunt for you eh! Mary must study hard too cause if not there'll not be Mary Stella alr! White hair study hard then I can help you dye your hair black like mine! Haha, no. Actually, as long as it chao da can already!

Love, 宛俞 (:

Foods

2007-06-06T19:48:00.001+08:00

Happy icecreaming at Haagen Days (hahaha!), toyrus and window shopping day with lovely Peiqin. Our ice creams carried gold bar cost of 40bucks, haha but quite worth it I guess. I likeeee haagen dazs better than ben & jerrys (*points to tifen) Heh. Anyway, thank you Swann for such a wonderful day. haha! :D

After leaving Vivo, Ms tan went to Ps alone to look for flips. I found a really really darn nice pair at Fox but they didn't have my size. WTH *blood boils* Haha, and btw Cass, Ps Ripcurl isn't playing that metal music anymore but their customer service sucks. Oh! I saw Clarakoh super look alike eh. Haha!

Lonliness used to hinder me but now it doesn't (:
I guess I feel so much more secure in God now. Im a good girl, been doing qt so guess it helps! Heee..going shopping on my own is really not my style lah but I do enjoy it now. Haha great, especially since like Ive told Cass, when school reopens it'll be like worldwar. I hope I'll be out of the picture okay - I so freaking did nothing but hv always been pulled into the picture for no good reasons. Actually right, you don't need any reasons to hate me okay, just say that you see me bu shuang can alr, no need to say I do this and that and that cause I DIDNT. And to the other, I didn't spoil your whatever plan, cause you never tell me so did you even treat me as your co-organiser. Fine, I'll stay out of it okay. Happy (: Haha, back to the point. I think Im so zai, compared to the old-fragile Stella. But still, ONLINE SHOPPING IS THE BEST! :D

Im now happily munching on my favourite Mark & Spencers fizzy fish gummy that was introduced to me 2 years ago when Mr Chew brought gummies and snacks to spur us on to do Math olympiad. To think of it now, I REALLY MISS MO. As weird as it may sound, I miss nerve racking questions that make me think! Actually, I really love pri sch Math and I hope to love sec sch Math all the same (:

Andrea and my FAKE italian soda! haha (:

IYMYFAMILY, DAJIEJIE, WEIRDER, PQ E.SWANN, AUNTY ANDR, J, XIAOLEI & YOUTHMEDIA.

我认为可能一视同仁会比较好..
你到底要怎样才满意?!

2007-06-05T15:32:00.000+08:00

J decided to go for part time camp because of restructuring, she is in Joanne Lee's cg.
J asks me to accompany her do duty cause my cg got no change except that we've become Central E.

Conclusion: Sld I go for part time camp?
Btw, J the camp is from 11th - 14th la. Ha.

Oh I've duty this sat and I'm doing STAGE CAM. Say wow, haha. Cause Ive never done that bfore eh?

2007-06-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

Ay, freak! Pq incident #2, got stalker ah!!!

Haha anw tday was good. Good food day. Hahah..went to amk twice just to eat. After meeting, went to buy fake italian soda (check Andrea's blog) then developed photo at j8, aft that went amk hub with Andrea to check memorystick, shopped a bit and eat roti perantan (Andrea's version of roti prata) Then came home to sleep cuz I was seriously very tired..haha dinner went to amk to eat steamboat. Tasted quite okay actually but thought that it was unique cuz the soup base was sweet potato congee instead of the usual chicken soup.

My Threadless is still pending. Super slow man.
I have 4 threadless tees & im lovin' it. aha! good shopping web & great fun (scoring&designing probably)!

Im going swimming tomorrow, if I can wake up at 8am (: (:
Heh and right, Michelle yong yong yong. Yknw the bbq wholesale called and asked me to do atm transfer and the thing is they never send me the acct number how am I supposed to transfer. Lol..

Anyway there is cg tmorrow at istana. Heard there's restructure and we're going to be central E instead of central north but no link lah Geraldine!!! And mm is going to have restructure too..read it from Tifen's blog and did I say I hate restructurings?

It's hard to start from the scratch..like knowing people and all. I will miss serving with Zixin a lot. I mean she is usually the one who talks a lot of craps that make us laugh and laugh. Then no more weird already, but still got Josephine but apparently it seems like we always contradict with each another and thus we can't meet. Not nice eh.. anyway, during youth camp, will be a very big break for J & myself cause we aren't like going and errrrrm, can avoid stuffs. Im sure youth camp is going to be a blast but I don't think I'll go for service the week before/after camp because shirls will be ranting away about what they did in camp and all. I went for '05 camp and it was like ROCK it. Ha. Sis and I had to miss 04 conference because we were overseas so I only went for ultimate while sis went for vision. I miss ultimate. Those sleepless nights with many instant noodles, not-nice packed rice, empire games and all. Miss JUMP2005 and dirtying tamar's shirt! Miss Pristan too! Haha mad woman with her very tight tight hugs (:

In short I guess I miss church a lot.
Too bad I guess I wont be stable till..miracle happens. Hopefully it does..!

Alrights, im happy.
cause outing is on WED! but then again, I need to do my proj in the morning.

2007-06-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

back in action.

so after the previous post, I thought indulging in worldly pleasures might not be a bad thing after all though I absolutely agree that it harms spiritual life, prevents spiritual growth and in some sense "invites Satan" into your life. once in a while is alright, too long like me isn't okay at all. i want to go back to nexus, i mean really. i want to be a part of central, for real too. aha, but teach me how to start lah. i tell you im totally lost and someone must really grab me tight this time that i won't end up lost again, for the millonth time. okay, but apparently no one will do that. ha, so i am practically crapping with crows here. -_-

love jotting down my thoughts but not personal stuffs tho. anw had supper tonight (omgsh fats!) haha and thought of those moments when i was younger having supper with my parents. time flies so much, we dont go out anymore as a family. in fact, we've become so drifted apart and mom and dad no longer talk. can you imagine that happening to you, a 14 year old girl for like the past..erm, 4 years? it's been so long that sis & i all think it can't be salvage. i hope it can be, and i know it can be if God is in their lives. i believe that if my parents receive the gift of salvation, it'll be such a joy. it is different, so different from experiencing salvation yourself or seeing your friends receiving salvation. it is just plain pure joy. yes i've never experience it before but i'll always wait for that day to come. it will definately come cause the love of God can't be denied.

like i've said in the previous post or even this that i don't really count myself as a faithful servant of God, but God has been real in my life for so many times and if i say that He is a fake, then Im more like a fake. people who have experienced God's love can never deny but proclaim His love. we can easily differenciate people with God or without God in their lives..I've seen with my very own eyes, this leader being in core team meetings with me, hosted events with me and stuffs...very holy and great ldr but apparently he is somewhat in a way or another like a gangster now. he smokes, drinks, pon class and all which is rather saddening for we grow up in the body of Christ together and apparently, no longer in church anymore..together? not really actually, i "left" church earlier than he did and he eventually rose as cl when i was back last year..and looking at him now, makes me think that end times are really coming. in the word, it says that when end times comes, there'll be lots of trials and testing and only those who have faith will go to heaven.

Faith, is just a 5 lettered word but I promise it is much more than any one that has withstand all these trials. maybe i had all these trials, but it is another thing if i had gone through it all with God. I can't lift my head high to tell you "yes". sometimes i envy people without parental objections because if i didn't had so, i'd probably be still serving faithfully and might even be a cl today. not that i want the fame and all but you know it's just different. they face problems like peer pressure that can be resisted, but tell me how do you disobey your parents submissively. i can't do that and after realising how much i've let my mom down, i decided to let go of my faith. okay, maybe i didn't but at least i did honour my word not to be in nexus anymore.. my world revolves around, church, school and family. i am willing to give up all the friends in school i have to obey God's word but tell me how do i give up my family..becuz they brought me up and i feel so indebted to them and i can't repay them for my entire life cuz they gave birth to me and taught me values and all. sometimes i think pple in church shld understand more..some parents take longer to think but some parents might not allow after all. it's not that i don't believe God, but then it's just like "let nature does its work".

God's timing will be right and there. I'll keep on to what I'm doing now till..a miracle happens..
Tell me where's my Faith.

2007-06-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

Tummyaches plus headaches aren't good stuff la. Eee..hope I'll get well soon bfore outting and baking with white hair! My stomach's been really bad, and oh, my skin too. Like frigging supa grupa sensitive lah. ):

Anw, will be busy busy next week. Tml have functions meeting and maybe lunching w andrea, tues family day, wed vivoing w pq, thurs baking w pq, friday swimming & study, saturday going service & prawn fishing & dinner w my aunts, couz and sis. the week aft next is quite okay..zoo w abigail or cassandra, 6a gathering, swimming w andrea, date w gena & michelleyong and functions meeting, and more meetings. fat says we need to have at least 1 meeting per week. last week ive decided to be good and go andrea's house finish my litespeed, sci homework and revising. oh! i hv council camp on that saturday and aft that im going service. (: (:

yes, hv done quite a lot of catching up this hols..
spoke to zixuan last night (he is in shanghai btw) and apparently it seems to be we hv the same sentiments about the food there, supa grupa oily and he did tell me that people add soy sauce to their tow huay there. lol! so funny cuz towhuay is a sweet dessert? oh yes, caught up with dearest dearie nat that has been mia for the past 1 year. we spoke about how 'ungentlemanly' et and hk are. then we decided to ignore them and pretend as if we don't see them, that is if we ever meet them. shared about our lives in different secondary schools and it seems so different in scgs. i mean, her friends mug so freaking hard and my friends here are slacking like shite. but one similarity is both our schools hv affliated primary, and it seems like when they talk about their pri school friends we can't exactly fit in. also caught up a bit with miss lee, er shes going cambodia next week. and i realised she likes to go weird places like that. spoke to dearest zixin too! not zixin from primary school, hah. anyway, it's really great chatting with zx, she really mks a pt to show and display her faith to all, not for fame or glory but for the sake of the people. I, in some ways told her to study hard for her midyrs and she told me "i will study hard to show that people in church can be zai in studies too". not the exact words, but you get the gist yah? it's so encouraging to see people like her in church but apparently not in kcp.

i try to achieve great grades but im not exactly strong in my faith. im like what shirls said. many claim themselves as christians, but only a few are disciples of God. it is easy to make christians but hard to make disciples of God. i dont step out in faith for fear that i'll disappoint my mom again and all my sisters feel the same way but it has always been in my qt prayer every night for God's love to flow through someone so that they may see the light again. i want to stand firm in my faith all over again, but i feel so comfortable in this worldly pleasures now. somehow i don't know how to start. but christian values are still grounded in my roots.

im done.

2007-06-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

Video editing and booster jab today.

The jab was alright..my hand's aching now ):

Video editing was average or abit above, it's very tiring but quite a good exposure. Joleen and I didn't do much and our Premiere kept failing us so we ended up taking Rach & Eileen's as ours. Lol. I like the one Mitchell did, it's in my comp btw. And hoho, the part where Joleen's head got banged was da bomb. I can still laugh at it now okay..and somemore, without looking! Haha, well done team prestige (: (: (: Hoho, team ang's one is great too. Hah, Eekeng why do you keep going to toilet? Haha! Plusplus, wah Miss lim aka Mrs teo's voice damn loud. The recording at level 2 also can hear her voice! Anyway, I think I look like a toot in the production. Hahah! But really what.

Well, there is still the TP animae course and the omg please save Rach, Joleen & myself web production. Ms low said she called the programmer then they said we only did 40%, like so not true and it will cost $1500 for them to complete. Lol, then Ms low told me "next time you go poly come back and teach us" Ms low I don't want to go poly lah! ): ): HAH! And see that Eilton teach halfway then MIA already. Wahahhaa.

Oh yes, Joanne lee called when I was at the clinic today and told me that each media tee costs seven seven seven. I was like, "Huh? $777? I dont wanna buy already" Roflol. :D I'm getting two. omg, my bank no money anymore cause Im buying both the black and white media tees and it causes $1554! Hahaha. I miss my shepherd & JOSEPHINE (your name is in CAPS) millions.

Stella is a happy girl (: (: (:

But I still think a lot, as per norm.
Spoke quite a lot to M tday about trival stuffs and a bit on the most recent topic. It just seems to me that I don't fit in any ways I try my best to do. Im sorry that I really don't enjoy playing "Hide & Seek". You think that I'd never find out what you said about me, but I am really sorry cause I know. I don't want to know either, but there's no point lying to myself imagine how many millions of stuffs you've said about me. I might not know everything but one is really enough. I don't see why I keep going back to the people who've hurt me so deeply and then get slabbed over and over again. It's foolish of me but nono, nowhere else to go.

Why must it happen for more than 3 times this year?! Tell me why. Different people I've trusted in, but everyone did the same old thing to me. I say again that it isn't fun, AT ALL. Can you please stand in my shoes and tell me what's the feeling? You tell people "She doesn't even knows". How can I not know, when you've told the entire world. Tell me how? Shut my ears and try to be deaf? Then again, do you even knw how would I feel when you screamed at me in front of the entire class? Like hello, wth? And thanks to you, for no apparent reasons someone hates me. Or maybe more than one that I'll ever know. Thanks eh.

Yet, you call yourself a Friend
(accordance to www.m-w.com)
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4: a favored companion
5capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker

So right to be here, not.
There's no worth.
So can i say, i don't trust in you, you, you and most of you actually. you've raised my level of doubt. i can no longer trust anyone of you. you are my classmate, my friend. you came to help at the toughest time but why must you be, a hypocrite. yes, i must say im not easy to get along. but it's just a small matter. why must you enlarge it and let the whole world know. and if you want to, then so be it. let the whole world hate Stella Tan, a totally awful person. that's what you've been thinking, isn't it?

This place isn't what it used to be anymore. it is like a battlefield. you might be killed by your teammates anyhow, anytime, anywhere. for the last time i'll say this, i will nver give a damn about all your plannings and whatever now because do you people ever count me as a part or have i always been APART just that because i am planning, i've made myself a part of it? it has never been mine..i don't belong. it's not my business.

i know it sucks, but that's the end of it.
i shouldn't be bothered by this people for a simple reason, Stella is an awful person. yeah, great. I'm going to have fun during my hols with none of any from the battlefield. it's a battle break for a mth and then back to the field for 6mths more then say byebye. and hello, to another field.
Stella sucks, so why are you still read Stella's blog?

2007-05-31T11:02:00.000+08:00

PY 6A05 Gathering

Venue: Orchid Park Condo (tentative)
Event: Barbeque, games, poolside party
Organizers: Zixuan, Michelle Yong & Stella
Date: 15/6/07 (Fri)
Meeting point: Orchid Park Condo Side gate (tentative)
Meeting time: 4:30pm
Duration: 5pm onwards
Finance: $7.50 per person

Remarks:
We’ve ordered food from BBQ wholesale and other food stuffs & necessities(Coal and all provided). Our budget is $150 so if at least 20 people turns up, each person will be paying $7.50. If we exceed $150, the organizing team will pay so in either ways, you’ll still be paying $7.50 unless attendance hits below 20. We’re trying to get Elina to book the pit at Orchid Park but if we can’t get it then we’ll probably settle in some other places. Please suggest, that is if we can’t get the pit at Orchid Park. Please contact Michelle Y or me if you have any questions because Zixuan is on holidays till 7th June.

Confirmation status
1. Zixin
2. Chekwei
3. Qian ting
4. Ying xuan
5. Gena
6. Lin Kai
7. Elina
8. Adeline
9. Zixuan
10. MichelleY
11. Stella
12. Natalie
13. SerLin
14. Xingyi
15. Vino

16. Louise
17. Peiying

Omg, finally done. Ordered the food and stuffs with MicheY last night. Thanks so much girl..hoho ended up sleep at 3am, thinking of teachers day and planning this. Oh yes, I caught up with Natalie last night! Finally..Many many loves. :D

Anyhow, I need help! Please help me contact, Engteck, Weida, Ruofan, Hankun, Weilun, Issah, Shihui, Guanthong, Yeejie, Yuchen, Shahirah, Leesun, Sockyie, Peixuan, JiInn, Joseph, Mdm Yong and Mr Chew too. Any of these that you know. Hah. Thank you! :D

Planning for 6A05 is so much fun compared to planning for 2Fh. Planning for 2Fh can kill all my brain cells because 2$ to them is a lot and over here, we're paying $7.50 each and no one really minds. Also, it's great great having someone like Michelle Y to plan with me. Superrrr nice okay. She's like got everything prepared then talk to me like that. Hehe, I must say thank you again for planning with me till 2plus plus in the morning! Plus, planning for 2Fh kills because of some reasons I got screamed at. A bit dumb but yah, don't have to scream also right! ): Haa..I so think that this gathering is going to be a BLAST please. It's like one of the gatherings we've got the most people to attend! Hoho, adding on, Miche and I are planning to do something stupid but with lotsa fun! Pray pray that we'll be able to book the pit. (: Thank Elina for booking too!

Shouts to Linkai, I managed to get a lot of people out lor! :D

Anyway, here are several photos from really loong ago.

Jess who? Hah, this is so long ago.
I think we looked so pretty then. Hehe!

Val & I @ Sentosa last year..
hoho, seems like eons ago alrd ):

Your very first north band.
& its virgin performance during Cmas 05
Brandon, Xuelian & yours truly.

ND5 BBQ
& the best shepherd anyone could ask for

Still under Huili

Super actcute!
Super loving plusplus Jiayi

That's all folks!

Therapyretail.

2007-05-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

Hello, I must make sure you see this!!
THERAPYRETAIL.BLOGSPOT.COM
Just updated & must see cause it is damn nice and irresistable.

Heh. On the other hand, threadless is taking terribly long to process.. 4-8 business day. Tell them I can die please. But if my work piece does get selected I'll be super elated. Hah, bless me God. :D 1500$ US is like omg shite plus 200$ 12 club membership and 300$ threadless voucher, in other words, during threadless sales I can get ard 30 tees. GSS, Pq I can buy you everything lah. Haha. That is if I get the 2000$. But only some are nice and some they might not accept cause there's a whole hell lot of colors. Boo, to that. But if ever 2 or more workpieces get selected I can go open shop in Spore already kay or do graphics d already. I must still psycho myself not to put so much hopes cause I am a beginner and a sucker at photoshop and all. But then there's two designs I did I REALLY LIKE okay! I'll totally buy it if it gets printed out :D

It occured to me something important. When you put your designs on blogskins and threadless, it's a totally different thing. When I put mine on blogskins..it managed to get over 100downloads for my very first attempt which was like shite, looking back now. Blogskins is like the teens world while Threadless is like the real world..where everyone in the universe will judge your piece based on their personal taste and that's when you know how much your design sucks and how inferior you are (I guess) I hate to be in this kind of competitive world but if the world isn't like this, then probably we'll not be pushed to the corner where we bring the best out of ourselves nor will we be able to get the best quality out of every product.

Anyway, I nearly forgot that I need to go to Zoo/Birdpark/Botanic gardens..I'd prefer Zoo of course. Does anyone wants to go too? I wanna go there and take photos. I miss my camera a lot..and a hundred thousand kisses to my camera, ten thousand kisses to photoshop. I still prefer my camera tho I don't go for lots of course..erm, in fact only heard a bit about it from Steven during media training last year. I like to let 'nature do it's work'. Hah, it's just me..

Okay..over-written. Go therapyretail!!
Btw, I don't get paid for recommending you there but it's just so good that I can't keep quiet. HAHA!

2007-05-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

Happy 901th post! I love my Blogger. Whee hoo ha.
I loveeeeeeeeeee my photoshop heaps too.

Anyway, had Infocomm today and our group finished filming! Tadaz..SM & KB are super nobel, should present them with the Nobel prize.. Sorry, please pardon me from crapping and yeah, Joleen too! Our dearest director cum ghost cum scriptwriter. She said she zi dao zi yan okay, haha which is quite true lah. Anyway, I was supposed to be that stupid ghost after they said Sherilyn can't do the job but nvmd, I went to look for Ms loh for classroom keys so I'm saved! Perfecto..hehe, but I ended up with my initial role as a teacher anyhow. The video was kind of good, I hope. I haven't seen it yet lah..but can't wait for editing on Fri tho I still have to go out for the jab which leaves me with 4 hours to edit and please, please, please. I am super sua ku at the Premiere Pro software ):

Haha! And also, today we had lunch with Mr sng and he is like super weird kay. He asked weird questions..very weird? Yupp..after the whole course Ms loh told us about the animae course at tp of which Joleen sabotaged Rachel, herself and myself to go. All my classmates in Infocomm are like going too, except for Nickson.

Plus, today we kept talking about Ezra and Paul(his brother). We were saying like brother, like brother. Very funny..Paul was putting this rubber band over his head like a hairband and doing all sorts of nonsenical things lah. LOL..in short, very great time with Eileen & Yilin when we were doing the Premiere Pro.

2007-05-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

Caught the long awaited pirates today, but oh gosh, no, it's not nice. The front of the show is totally crap and only the end was kind of good. Alrights, that's a very personal comment. I am sorry if you are a die-hard pirates fan. My favourite all-time movie is, MI! Omg, MI is like really really extremely super duper cool. I caught it thrice last year!

After the show, went to have crab feast. Hoho, my sisters, my mother and myself had 5 crabs of different flavors. There was, butter, blackpepper, chilli, steamed and claypot crab noodles. Fantabulous, damn nice..but super high cholesterol! That is like the first time in my entire life, to just have crabs for my meal. And anyway I am no longer grounded so my friday will be packed like "oh God please save me.." From 9am-5pm there's SVA editing, 130pm to around 3pm is the booster jab and then 7pm-9pm is Central svc. But I think have to meet joanne and clara earlier to do setup and all that. I don't wanna go tuas and eat my lunch and take my jab with that fish, lol! After svc might go over to l's house for stayover & tear down her house. Hahahah!

-spoiler alert, spoiler alert-
My mom is facing retrenchment. But hopefully, it'll just be a warning letter and nothing big. Please pray with me that it'll really be nothing big. But thank God, her boss is like backing her cause she is considered hardworking..
-spoiler alert ends-

Let your will be done.
God, You've shown me so much how much you can do in my life. Blessed me with so much and love me like nobody does. Show just the same in my family's lives for I believe, there'll be a day that they'll receive the greatest gift in the entire universe, and that's the gift of salvation.
Melt our hearts Lord.

2007-05-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

Just done with collating my coffeelates project research with my teammates. Oh science rocks. Science rocks my socks..I got B3 for science though. But Ms tay says my results are like roller coaster. Hah..I will do well for CA2 and my final year. I will, I am determined to get my straight A's, than magnifying those problems. Uh-huh! FINALLY! Yayness. Michelleyong please smile too. G is coming back on tues and we can go out.

Wheee hah whoo.. Smile with me. Haha, I'm sure not to get grounded. Oh lord, please. (: at least I've found the faith I've lost somewhere along the way. I love You Lord.

Jab on friday..and goodie lucks to Pq, Sis & P-rain for o's chinese.
Stella greets the world, goodnight!

2007-05-27T11:27:00.000+08:00

Stella is now happy. Not that things are better, in fact it's never been so bad - maybe it has..

Well, after that post last night I went to bed and started crying with my iPod by my side. Sometimes I must say, I cannot thank God enough for supplying me with an iPod. I was crying..crying..whining to God and asking Him, why must He still love me cause I've failed Him so much..crying..crying. I cried even more when memories flashed through my mind. Then I was listening to some thing that made me feel a lot better cause I haven't been depending on God, and that I've been magnifying the problems more than I am magnifying my God. When we fix our eyes on the Lord, the problems will seem so small..so small. And know what? There are no problems too big that God can't solve, no problem too small that God wouldn't bother. Then a prophecy came "Ask and you'll receive. Seek and you will find. Who of you then, would give your son a snake when he asks for fish.. if then, you sinner knows how to give good gifts to your son. How much more will your Father in heaven give you if you ask?" Somewhere there..not the exact words but you get the meaning yeah..

I was in awe..and I started bursting out in tongues and just kept praying, praying, praying for dependancy on the Lord.. Also, joanne msged me to do media next friday night for Central svc and if my hfmd gets well by then I'll be doing my most most missed VM!

More than that, big girl and jia messaged and asked about my hfmd. Thanks, yhope mm makes the best CREW ever! Haha..it reminds me of last year's retreat, I got lost and Aloy suggested you people to call "Stella..stella.." till I found you guys. Haha very funny lah, but it's also very sweet of you guys. (:

Wonder when can we be purified of everything that contaminates our body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God? Will there even be a possibility or a little touch of hope? Hmm.. good question to be pondered upon. When there's a will, there is a way.

I don't know how to face up to reality, seriously. I don't know the way. Would You. the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, guide me the way and show me what to do. A pure heart, that what I long for, a Heart that follows hard after You. A heart that hides Your Word so that Sin will not come in, a heart that is undivided but one You rule and reign. A heart that needs compassion that please You, My Lord. Sweet aroma of worship that rises to Your throne.

2007-05-26T21:37:00.001+08:00

My sis was damn good.. She asked me to discard the pail of dirty water. And p/s: I already have hfmd. So I was like, can't you do it yourself. Then she said, "I mopped the floor and you were like using the comp the whole day" I rebutted with the fact that I am having hfmd and she already knew.. Guess what she said? "Its not as if you puke or have fever right?" It's not as if you can see through my body that no hydrochloric acid actually flowed up to my throat and that my brains aren't burning you, can you? I have been grounded for my entire hol and can you imagine how miserable I already am, not considering that hols have just officially started and everyone's going around playing and all that crap. What am I doing? Busying preparing for SVA and life science. It's not as if I really wanna spend 24/7 on these two stuffs but I just have to keep myself occupied right. If I don't do anything I'll feel like shite and start crying like some crybaby again. Freakass.

Then my dad can jolly well talk all that crap somemore. He said, "HFM can eat instant noodles somemore ah?" Like wth, since when can't hfm patients eat instant noodles? I tell you it is like crap. I spent 40 odd dollars cash just seeing doctors and he can tell me that. No one gave me a cent for my classtee, medical fees and stupid photos and he can still say that. He is damn good a father okay and best of it all is, I am not even speaking a word to my mother.

Everything sucks like hell. You see my melancholic posts, melancholic enough to cause depression soon and all these had to happen at the right time. Oh btw, I feel like asking my sis. What else can I do other than using the comp when all the rest of you can go for navy open house, food fair and I am stucked in this damn house with nothing better to do and such a infectious disease when all of you think I am alright but I am not because you don't understand or even know anything at all. Why do you even need a sis in the first case when your friends care so much more?

And oh, the both of them just screamed at me. One said, "Only know how to eat, don't know how to throw.." and the other said, "Attitude ah? you believe i'll put password for the comps." I just kept quiet and my eldest sis helped by saying "Don't bully her lah" But I do feel like crying now. I am already grounded with thousands of friendship problems (of which I comfort people but can't convince myself) and my sis, dad, mom has to be the greatest idiots to do all these freaking stuffs to me.

No one knows anything.
Even to the used-to-be most trusted friends and family members.
I am nothing now, nothing..totaly worthless and you people really hurt me very deeply. I mean it. I am going to do my life sci now.

Best friends forever only happens in fairytales and dreams in sleep that will never exist in real life.. Stella, please wake up from your dreams and face up with this cruel world cause nothing you can do can ever change the facts.

On a brighter note, there'll be TWO media tees. Whee, wah, wow. (:
And as I was watching high school musical again, just now. it reminds me of Elaine and Kerin during orientation! Such fun..mizz those days.

2007-05-25T22:36:00.001+08:00

True, true, EXTREMELY TRUE.

The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test

Your Score: 1- the Perfectionist

Thanks for taking the test !

you chose CZ - your Enneagram type is ONE (aka "The Reformer").

"I do everything the right way"

Perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.

How to Get Along with Me

Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.
Acknowledge my achievements.
I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.
Tell me that you value my advice.
Be fair and considerate, as I am.
Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

What I Like About Being a One

being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
working hard to make the world a better place
having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

What's Hard About Being a One

being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
feeling burdened by too much responsibility
thinking that what I do is never good enough
not being appreciated for what I do for people
being upset because others aren't trying as hard as I am
obsessing about what I did or what I should do
being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

Ones as Children Often

criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others
refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect
focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers
are very responsible; may assume the role of parent
hold back negative emotions ("good children aren't angry")

Ones as Parents

teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
are consistent and fair
discipline firmly

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test?
so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!! (use Quick-Paste below)

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

M Falls, S Fell.

2007-05-25T16:08:00.000+08:00

尽管我有多么的用心，
我永远也都赢不了你。。
是老师偏心，还是我真的有这样差?

我想飞到一个没烦恼的梦幻世界。。。

今天是假期的开始，但，对我来说放不放假根本没分别
因为，我的心是一样的沉重

走到自我空间不禁放声大哭，没人能理解
因为，你们全没站在我的立场，为我着想

得了手足口症的确很辛苦，
但比不上承受心里的包袱更辛苦

真的好希望你在这里，告诉我应该怎么办。。

上帝，帮帮我。。
我真的失去了生存的毅力
真想放弃一切，往上找你

I am not your spare tyre.

The fact remains so that,
I still don't want to see you.

Nobody knows, nobody cares, nobody. nobody. nobody.
I lost my way when finding my way back to God, again.
Pick me up, for I can not do that myself anymore.
I've lost the will to live, lost everything else.

I am waiting...
...
...
...
for a miracle to happen.
As if, it'll ever do.

I am feeling very inferior about my results.
I got into the shittest school you can get, and there my results are still like shit. If only my mom could stop harping on it, it'll make my life better.

Melancholy falls.
Stella fell.

Great..I'm doing the life science research. Acidity, pH level, caffeine, coffee, chocolate and sore throat? Report by sunday. Yes. I still have to do SVA, of which filming is on tuesday and I need props, props, props, bgmusic, music, music.. Oh! We learnt Adobe Premiere Pro tday but I can't touch school comp. Big time sucker. I can only observe..dumb ass..

I tell you I can kill people right now. Bullshite.

2007-05-24T20:38:00.001+08:00

I will worship you even in the troubled times.

I can jot this down when my sisters are discussing about what they're going to do during the hols. Ice skating, pirates and everything, but what do I get? Nothing, but I feel like crying all over again. Tears are welling up my eyes. I have no idea what to do. Ahhhhhhhhhh.. It's so not fair. They did far worst than me during sec2. I'm feeling so helpless.

2007-05-24T16:50:00.000+08:00

I am also a human
Can you people stop yelling at me

We all make mistakes
I am just a human I am just a human
I am just a human I am just a human
I am just a human I am just a human
I am just a human I am just a human
I am just a human I am just a human

Thanks abigail, andrea, amirah, benji, cass, navin, nat, mel, peiqin & steph
And you, my God

Once bitten twice shy. Thrice is a fool. I am the fool.
我是世界上最愚蠢的蠢才
我万万没想到，放不下这一切是我这一身中的致命伤

我在你的心中，我根本没有地位
甚至连树该有的根，都没有

我真的很想放弃
但我所说的这一切，你能明白多少?
可能连一句，你都听不明白。。

陶醉在自己的lala land中。。
因为，你永远都不会明白你对我做出的伤害有多深

终

2007-05-23T19:08:00.000+08:00

Not many might know, but I do enjoy looking at the skies..I love the beauty of the nature that refreshes my mind and allows me to think even more. Upon looking at the skies as I was on my way home today, I realised that I have so much to give thanks for. Just as I thought so, the song running on my iPod fits the whole mood well enough "Amazed". I could sing that for a gazillion times and not be sick of it. 2 days back when I had an encounter with God, my iPod was also playing this song. My Father is so great. I don't mind dying now, cause I am such a happy kid although the spots on my hands and legs are freaking me out but I'm visiting Raffles clinic later. I certainly don't wanna die without knowing why. Lol. What a joke, Eunice says I'm cursing myself. Haha..well, a lot of blessings to count today and there's Jan-June bday babies cum farewell for Ms Kiew tomorrow! Yay, two faith still rocks (*1 million!)

Reached school today and sour strawberry asked me to do ushering today so I did. No, I didn't. I did late duty in fact. Haha, nevermind that. My point was, sour strawberry and benji are very cute people. Lol.

Anw, assembly was about sec2 camp of which I am not exactly excited about the high ropes elements. They do freak me out, cause I have a serious phobia of heights. Mr.hassan sld know. He has been doing belaying ropes for me for so many years and every year I am screaming my lungs out telling him the same old thing "Cannot climb alrd!" I miss PY's rock wall and high ropes for sure tho I can assure you that I hate it really much back in Pri School days. Good thing was, during P6 camp when we went to CDANS, doing high ropes was by choice. Connie was a definately a brave soul. Hee..I didn't do any and I am going to die this time round. But this time round, I am quite excited about class bonding. Yayness!

After the briefing, we took back our report books. I think I was amazed by what God can do. 2A1s, 1A2, 4B3s, 1B4. Kind of like a breakthrough cause I've been slacking a lot, so thank God! If you wanna see the raw score then maybe you can click to enlarge the image. English rocks my socks and Cheena is the sucker. I got B4 for my higher chinese. Lol. Kay, but I promised to study during June.
Next big hooha was my Science test results. Unexpected for sure. I thought I was going to fail my Science test because.. all along I thought that R = V/I but the case was, R=VI. But guess what? Ms Tay said we did very well and she read out those who got 24 and 25 upon 25 and the first name was mine. I was like wth, I was lying down there resting cause I thought I can't be anyone of them but well, I was.

During Geog, Ms Kiew showed us CSI and I was damn tired and it is really hard to sleep in class with all that hard knock table and chairs but guess what? I found a comfy place to lie on - Belinda's bag and I slept for good 45 mins. Refreshed and sober, went to look for Ms Tay to do the Chocz experiment and good news for both you and me, this time the chocs seems like they can be eaten! Great, great, greaaaaaat!

After experimenting, went for lunch/teabreak/dinner with Cass @ Crystal Jade. Nice time fellowshipping, sharing and of cause had good food. I love the porridge there, omg omg. Haha. Yay, after that we went to our fave place to shop, NTUC. Oh best thing was, at that moment, I nearly forgot that I had hfmd. Lol.

God I didn't do anything.
God it was You who did it.
You saved me again. (:

I am officially out of my melancholic state and back to norm. Oh yeay, I am damn high. Lol, I need to go see doc. I wanna eat cake tomorrow and I need to design stuffs for the class. Byebyeeee! Thank you for caring..esp yhope multimedia guys and girls. Btw, Jo I drank lots of water as tho I'm a water buffalo can. HAHA MY THROAT ISNT STUCKED ALRD, for those of you who know.

2007-05-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

So, yesterday night I had several red spots on both my feet and mom thought it was my black shoes fault, but it wasn't. Today I went to school, to my horror, only to find out that my hands are filled with some blisty stuff with pus inside. Actually I don't really know, cause I couldn't get the liquid out of my hand so yah. So, after school tday, I went for lunch w Belinda and after that I went to POSB bank to withdraw money and then went to the clinic. Gosh, you know what? I have hand, foot and mouth disease!!! There is no medicine to cure and I should be fine after a week or so, but if I ever puke or is down with fever, I need to go where? HOSPITAL. The doctor said it is okay to go to school, like whatever cause I don't mind going or not going cause either ways, I still have to see my report card which is definately gonna be like bloody hell. Sad thing is, it is INFECTIOUS AHHHH! ShingPheng, Cass, Nurul, Jx, Eunice, Sonja, Michelle and all the rest whom touch me please be careful. Haha.

I have a lot of thoughts yet to be penned down, but I think I need to rest and drink lots of water to recover. I wanna do duty one okay, but thanks to this bloody hfmd I can't do duty but anw, if I'm not wrong, it's council camp this sat. Pls please help to pray for quick healing. Thanks (:

edited @10pm.
Thanks Zixin, Eunice, Jo, Nicole, Yinz, YongEn, Mich, Cass, Huaiying and all that offered to pray and showed concern. And oh, Aloy whom spreaded to the whole crew that I've hfmd. Hah, Yong En said it'll be worst when the ulcers appear. Sigh! Must be him whom spread to me. Hah, I wanna go back primary school also cannot already lor, cannot go near kids. Shite, how to get far away from them in the train?

+ Report card tomorrow, I wanna die.
I don't exactly wanna see my results know, and I think our class teachers are supah nice please. They caused some of our classmates lives, those whose parents went for the breakfast @ MRL, so miserable. Thank God that my parents will never go for this kind of stuffs and after concluding, I still think that cold cold is the nicest!! A pity that cold cold isn't my form teacher and cold cold doesn't teach upper sec, which means she'll never teach me again. Bahhhhhh..Cold cold is such a nice person, cold cold will never talk bad about you. I am sooooooo irritated by the fact that cold cold will never teach me again, I am so sad ): I am going to get all the super-boring plus super not fun, not nice teachers. The thought of it irks me.

GAHHHH.. I'm depressed cauz coldcold is never teaching me again and that I'm taking my stupid mofo report card tml and that having hfmd is risky. I DONT WANNA GO TO THE HOSPT. BLESS ME

2007-05-21T16:45:00.000+08:00

I think CF is in a good mood today so I think I'm pretty lucky cause we were given 1.5 hours to produce the "best" compo in my entire life. I didn't know how to write a gazillion words alright but thank God Jx and E completed their compo, handed up and had nothing better to do so they helped me with writing. Heh. I don't think the compo I wrote was the best in my entire life but I guess that it's the best I've written this year. I hope I'll get 70% pleasy please please.

During English we got to knw about our English overall grades of which I'm feeling great about. 71.2% is a very extremely great leap from some C5 grade I had in sec1. So yay and thank God. That sld be one of my higher grades for overall.

I can't wait for hols to start so that I can start my revision and all the catching up and whatever not that everyone else has surpassed me. Did I mention that my level position dropped as if I've just committed suicide? I dropped at least some 30 over positions cause Mr Lau was talking about it during morning assembly period and I was in the second box, which is 41-80 in the sec2 cohort.

I need to study:
HIGHER CHINESE (I shall go read a lot and try to blog in mandarin too)
MATH (A lot of practices from assessments & coaching from Andrea)
SCIENCE (Assessments and loads of understanding and blah)
GEOG & HISTORY (My dearest textbooks, gah!!)
That's about it. I really really want to take triple Science or at least, I wanna do double Science. After loads of thinking, I've decided not to sacrifice my future and I finally got the answer for "What am I doing in school?" I hope after Sem1, I've learnt better how to manage my time between council, sch work, leisure, ministry. I believe blogging and photoshop are classified under leisure, I'll still blog, no worries - in both chinese & english..of course my chinese blogging won't be done here, like duh. Haha. But then I'll spend lesser time w my dearest dearest computer cause I don't wanna sacrifice my future for sure.

As I was coming home today, I asked myself what am I doing in school, and I seriously couldn't answer myself. All I could think of was a usual phrase from anyone else you can look for in Kcp, I don't know. I really didn't know what was I trying to do and then again I knew that I was still stuck in the melancholic state of my problems but nevertheless I realised that I had to move on or else this is really going to affect me a lot. So after coming home, altho I was in front of my television set, I pondered and I came out with the answer behind it all. I want to study and I mean it. I want to get the subjects that I want, I don't want to be forced to get the subjs that I don't want. If that's going to be the case, I might as well just don't study anymore. Why study something you are not interested in? Yes right, that's my point of view.

I thank God for God is always there. I really do. Ysterday night I was thinking about some things in life that I could not cope with, like ministry. I did mention in the previous post about me falling down and never been able to pick myself up since then. I have no idea why, but I had this impression in my heart yesterday. God seems to be telling me that I've depended too much on myself, and never on Him. From the moment I fell, I have been walking alone in the lost woods trying to find my way out but have never been able to do so. Although I can tell you that I am almost a 3 year old believer in God, but I do admit that at times I don't think God exists after hearing things like, "even if He doesn't exists but I'll know I've lived my life fully. I won't risk my future", yadayada. But this time, God existence was really there and there. I can't say I never felt it. God has definately refreshed my heart.

Let Your will be done

2007-05-20T13:32:00.001+08:00

I hope what I just did, did beautify my blog.
I am bored, but I do have a lot of homework to do - Geog file, wkb. History file, wkb. Science worksheet and omg, CF's homework. Of course I know how to do my Science, Geog & History but I am totally clueless how to start about that dumb dumb CF's homework. She said that it should be our best compo in our entire life. Like real, as if I am able to do that. I can hardly construct a proper chinese sentence now for goodness sake. Still, I don't wanna drop Higher chinese alright. I'll study hard as previously mentioned..History test this week. -_____-"

Anw, I know why my grandfather is in the hospt already. Cause some virus attacked his blood causing all the pain and crap, you know. It's so sad, but at least it is nothing very serious that causes my heart to be in my mouth.. so, thank God for His protection! My grandmother is also sick. Both of them fell sick at the same time. But nothing serious either, cough and flu. Hoho, keep them in prayers..healing will be upon them yeah.

Then, I realised a lot of people are sick..as in not cough, flu that kinda sick. I was reading DO's blog and he is going for his op soon, Jess and her forever the same gastric. P/s: I think Jess is a superwoman. Again, I wonder how is Ruth. Sigh. I think God is trying to show me how fragile life is and let the passion for people ignite again. I still remember, ND-ignite and the countless number of campaigns/projects (mission sixteen, cn80, etc) I wish I was still a part of core team sometimes, I wish I didn't let go of my faith back then, maybe I'd even be a CL now. But because I did so, I fell so hard, I don't know how to pick myself up. Even when you girls picked me up, I was able to stand, but not to walk. Soon after, I decided to give up again - I fell again. Things haven't been progressing ever since the day I took my PSLE results. It's been so long, so long. I wish..? Hmm.. Thanks for investing in my life.

Anyway, here are some old photos I stumbled upon my blog.

2007-05-19T18:02:00.000+08:00

Stella says.
She has decided to save up as much as she can to purchase a Nikon D80/50, external hard disk and also to fix her Sony DSC-W50 by 1st Jan 2008. So anw, I promised to go Andrea's house to study during hols. She's gonna teach me algebra. Thanks aunty and I miz taupok too. ):

So, Ms M & T says that I shd study hard and get Good progress cause my mid years are screwed up. L said not bad, which is not good cause she usually says well done. But it's obvious that I didn't do well. So Stella has decided to study hard and save up all the money she can find! Hehee..yah lor, I haven't put back the money into my bank. Hahaha, nevermind - at least, I stop taking money out of my bank already. (:

Stella also says that she might stop blogging @ Blogger already cause she finds wordpress very fun! I love my wordpress acct, it's my new visual diary, fyi. So I think I wouldn't close down this online diary while the other is my online visual diary. Xtograve.wordpress.com

Anyway, I spoke to Abigail last night. Great time catching up and all..thanks girl for still being a great friend. Well, it set me thinking again. I thought about whether to tell ________ about it, but I decided not to. I decided not to backslab, if that is called one but I don't know. I don't seem to know about anything. In fact, I feel so lonely. I just feel like digging a hole and burrying myself in it. What a joke. I hear myself voicing out for the first time, so officially cauz I think that I didn't do anything wrong to deserve the loss of a good friend. Seems like everyone's by your side now, happy enough? If not, it's not my fault.. I don't hate you, it's just getting too much. Maybe it was my fault all along so it isn't your fault. Another reason why I decided not to tell __________ is because after which I tell her, she might probably turn her back and start scolding me. So no point lor, no point. Life now is so meaningless. I try to smile and act like everything is okie, at times it helps, but other times it doesn't.

2007-05-18T15:44:00.000+08:00

I didn't go for Infocomm today and Jodi is here telling me that they're doing moving wheels on moving bus. Lol. Fyi, I finally did my flagraising duty today, thanks to Strawberry! Hahaha, strawberries are nice okay!

Anyway, today's scenario showed us all what we can expect from level camp. It's sad to say and to see that those people still as childish. Well, all I can say is, it's just a game and even though you might be the hot-favourites, don't under estimate us like the British did so to Japan. Three cheers to 2 Faith and to those who haven't paid up for the Jan-June babies party please pay by Monday or I'll haunt after you kay. I'll update class blog w the interclass photos! :D

Oh yah, btw..I think I'll fail my Science Test 5. All along I thought that V = R/I but the actual fact is, V= RI! Baaaaaa..I so wanna kill myself please. Lol! But anyway, we're having council camp @ sentosa next Sat. So yippee yay! Oh yes, thanks Nurul for the donut treat tday! Triple dosage of chocs (adding on to ytd's)

2007-05-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

Hello world.
It is needless for me to say anything cause a photo speaks more than a thousand words. But I must say that Shawn was d-bomb for the last match! Well done Shawn and of course the rest of the players. We literally trashed every other class that we played with, namely, 2Pr, 2Pc & 2Gr (4-1) Then again, I forsee a "good" sec two camp for us. Wish us luck alright.
Oh, I don't think it's the chocs that spured them but anyway, Mrs Yap bought Dexter, Esther, Clara and me a box of chocolate each and I gave away some to reward the girls.

This isn't the last nor the least, but happy birthday Nurul!

Kay, enough of all that happenings. I had double dosage of choc today cause Mr Lau bought 2Faith ice cream, maybe that encouraged them to do better for interclass. Anyway, I thought a lot when I was going home. I don't know what am I doing, sometimes I feel double sided, and then sometimes I see them being closer to one another than I actually am to them. I feel lost. Yes, again. I'm like a flotsam drifting without directions. I really don't know what I want cause everywhere I go, I feel missing. I feel something that you don't feel though outwardly I look alright. Urgh, here comes the feeling again. I feel lost, especially because my grandfather is in the hospt and dad refuses to tell me why. I wanna tell someone(I'm aware I'm announcing it to the entire worldwide web now), but ahhhhhhhhhh. Who can really make a difference? Aiya, nvermind..I will be able to pick myself up and move on like before once again. I will.

Something you said made me ponder upon it till today.
It is really tough for me to let go,
but now I'm stucked right in between,
not knowing what to do.

2007-05-16T19:03:00.000+08:00

Caught "Hide & Seek" during English lessons today. We haven't complete the show, probably just 10 more minutes or somewhere there but anyway the show was fantabulous, but of course I think that "The Others" was much better.

Debate clinic was good as well..Debaters from ACJC came and taught us about opposition (the last session they taught about proposition but I wasn't there) Initially, I must say that I was scared outta my wits but it ended off well cause I was the third speaker and there wasn't enough time. Heh, but still..it was alright but Joey and I prolly won't go for the next session. We got threatened by Ms Chye this time round. Hah, she's super lame please.

Hah..anyway, Life Sci Business Compt write up is due on 8th June (less than a month's time) and gosh..we have to rush! But first of all, are you all in with me to rush out the whole project? Chocchocchocccc! I think we sld change our project to "Making chocolates with coffee bean" Sounds good huh? Anyway, there isn't such thang as coffee choc.

Hols are coming! Yay! Photog fieldtrip, 6A05 gathering and time to catch up Nexus' equipments! Oh yeay, I have dates with lotsa people like Pq, Gena, Abigail, MichY, Jx and the list goes on. :DD

2007-05-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

This must have been the worst of all the allergies attacks I've ever had. Rashes are crowding around both my feets and somehow moving around nonstop causing the unwanted itch for THREE long hours. Booo! I never had rashes for more than two hours..this time it's really a "breakthrough", if that's what you call it. Hah. Actually, I don't bother that much, just that I CAN'T STAND THE ITCH FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

Anyway, my class got back every single common tests papers. I'll spare you from the raw scores, but on the overall, I did managed to scrap through and get my Bs and As. Not as badly as I expected it to be, but it is not up to my expectation yet. The irony is, my best subject last year dropped to my worst subject this year and vice-versa. This is how funny life can get.

And, and, and! We're changing English teacher, no more coldcold!! I don't want to rotate la pig. I'd rather we do Media Literacy for one more semester okay. I think I'd enjoy watching movies and doing film critiques better than doing Anne Frank & Poetry Appreciation or Drama. Out of all the teachers they're going to rotate, cold-cold is like the best please. She made my English improve from B3 to A1 okay. Yahyah, Mrs Loh rocks at this too. My English's been improving which is a good thing! Coldcold rocks lah, don't change please. Pleasy please please ): We're changing Geog teacher too. I'm not so particular about this cause everyone says she can't teach but I think she's really nice although the paper was the real killer (Statistics: 18 from my class failed, 16 from 2Love passed, 9 from 2Truth passed)

Oh, Infocomm had some lame course by Mr. Mitchell today. It was stupid, cause everyone was doing his/her own things and FlashMX isn't really very hard although I'm some sotong at it so haha. But nevermind, cause Rachel the pro was just sitting next to me. Hoho..and miracle happened cause Joleen turned up. Haha..But we damn slack also, we go toilet for like 10mins and break for like 10mins too! Hee..Debate clinic is tomorrow. I'm so freaked out cause I have to stay in school three days this week. Of which I just got to know about it, earliest yesterday.

AH..I'm very irritated by my mom and my dad. My dad keeps nagging at me to pack my stuffs by calling and calling cause he and my uncle are at TTSH with my grandfather..Hope grandpa is alright..AHHHHh and obviously right, my dad doesn't knows my leg is itching like some freak. My mother scolded me just because I told dad that she's already home.

2007-05-14T18:11:00.000+08:00

I'll always believe,

that there'll be sunshine after rain

I've been hearing that ever since I was P5 till now and the years to come..there'll always be someone telling me this. The same person, the same lines..but it never fails to encourage me. I hope it encourages you all the same. Nothing in life goes well all the time, but neither do things go wrong all the time. Smile okie!

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

2007-05-13T23:49:00.001+08:00

I feel sick all over. I feel like puking, my head's spinning and argh!!!! MY LEGGGGGG ):

S-I-C-K.

2007-05-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

I slept for more than 15 hours today and my head is still aching. It's like shite lah. It's either I've got migraine or I slept too much. If tomorrow it's still aching like it is now, I'm not going to school okay. My head is a KKILLER. But good thing is, I rested a lot today and my eye bags are not as dark now.

Happy birthday to Huili & GwenKhoo! (:

2007-05-12T18:15:00.000+08:00

The rain fall down,
and wake my dreams

I got a blister on my finger during CIP thanks to lots and lots of bottle cutting. Thank God this is the last session. And oh, I think the volunteers there are like so fierce. Gah, anyway, so shall it because I'm never going back there anymore.

And oh, today the stupid SMRT made me wait for like gawd knows how long for just a train from Bishan back to Yishun. Haha, but at that moment, I remembered when I was young, my sisters went to visit SMRT underground tunnels which were under construction with the primary school but I never got to do so. Thus, I imagined..I can always remember I imagine myself wearing firemen's uniform and a helmet with a torch in hand to look at the tracks. So cool eh? Hahah..another thing was about meetings. I always thought meetings were like those really formal ones you see on the television until the day I received Christ that I know that it wasn't.

My back's freaking painful. ):

Haha, anyway PY 6A05 please take note that there will be class gathering during June Hols and sadly the planners are Zixuan and myself (Linkai will be for the next!!) but we have no idea where to go! Hah, details should be out right after MrZX finishes his Midyears.

There'll not be any 2Faith outing during June Hols cause I think you people will be damn busy but anyway there will be a birthday celebration for Jan to June babies, on the last week of school's Thursday CME lesson. Please pay $2 to Jx, Cm or myself to contribute to the class funds and the celebration by this coming Tuesday.

And council step down dinner and outing on the first week of July, after level camp (:

Nothing can I say to express my displeasure.
I tell you, this is crap. I opened up my heart, I thought there'll be a new chance to accept you regardless of what others have to say about you but yet you had to do this. No wonder.

Hoho, it's TWO persons burfday tomorrow. Haha, happy mummy's day to you. And byebye, I'm going to shower.

2007-05-11T11:26:00.000+08:00

World's most deadly weapon, the Tongue.
As if all that wasn't enough.

i have to act as if all is alright cause no one knows what's going on. you think it's easy. it's easy having to decide if i should just give up on you people cause everyone says you're not a good friend. you think it's easy to look at the four walls at home everyday. it's easy to see my parents having cold war for zillion years. and it is easy to score all as and all the shite stucked in. it's the easiest, to listen to what my friends have to say about me. they say things that aren't true. maybe i did that, but without any intentions to do so.
you cant safely say you understand cause, you don't.
i always think that if one day i die, no one would probably care except for my immediate family. i don't know what to do now. i just want to go heaven and meet my Dad. that's all i need. i don't need friends that will leave me staring at the walls alone, i don't need friends that have all the "good" things to say about me. can't you people just tell me how you feel. why do you have to tell the whole entire world behind my backs. you'll never know how much that hurts, especially it happening umpteen of times this year and it applies from my best friends to my good friends. what are you all trying to do? if you want me out of your sight, then i shall be.

Anyway, since yesterday, I feel so loved. Haha, a lot of them suddenly msged me "I love you". Thanks thanks thanks, for making my day so much better. Love you girls many many much too. Heh, Jess or many might know her as Hengjie..aiyah, up to you lah. This dear sheppy of mine was nagging at me today. My leg's injuried as mentioned, and the condition worsen today when I had to do standing broad jumps, shutter run and the ultimate killer for my leg was the Sit & Reach. I couldn't stretch for goodness sake please. Thus, Jess was nagging at me to go to the doctor's cause she's afraid that it'll get infected. But I said "We'll see.." and the funny thang she said was "You still wanna see arh?" LOL. Anyway, I might see the doctor cause the weather's getting humid and my rashes are coming in every week(I'm running out of med), my fingers are undergoing some stupid stuffs that numbs my fingers and not forgetting my leg. But maybe I won't. I shall try applying cream onto my fingers, continue using Fastum gel for my leg and buy my rash med!

My dream is to create superb videos and graphics, not forgetting my all-time fav, photog. I want to be a professional photographer by the age of 21. But ultimately hor, my ambition is to be a teacher! Goshh, you don't believe it, do you?

I'm tired, I wanna sleep.
I'm worried, I'm upset.
Anyhow, I still love my Jo L and Andrea!

2007-05-10T19:10:00.000+08:00

Kay, didn't get to meet up with Jess today cause she ended school quite late but we're meeting tomorrow. And my class CIP is on this saturday. It's good Mummy's day please and we have to excuse ourselves to go to where? China town. (For one second, I thought we're going to China!) Yeah right, what a spoiler on Mummy's day, Parent's day service and liberty.

On a brighter note, I am feeling kinda okay and all my results seem to be scoring B3s for overall which I don't exactly mind. It's far better than C6s yeah and ML said I've done well. Yayness, I met Andrea and taupok today. Hahah, yah Andrea is damn jealous cause she didn't see taupok. Hoho! I kept stepping on her slippers when I met her. HAHAH! And there is this caucasian teacher teaching one-hope. Okay, not exactly hawt..but well, he looks quite decent. Last but not least, council photo is out!! Haha.

Oh shucks, I'm supposed to do my Artwork and hand in by TOMORROW. GAHGAHGAH. I THINK IM SUFFERING FROM POST-EXAMS DEPRESSION. And I haven't typed my May schedule and send to Stranger Y yet.

Just so you know,
PFT 5 items is tomorrow. Perfectly, my leg muscle is not healed yet and I don't know how to get it healed other than applying cream on it. I just hope I don't injuried it further.

Okay, my uncle's at my house.
Ciao!

Still misty..

2007-05-09T10:39:00.001+08:00

Captivated by the beauty of the skies
My Father is the creator of all Heaven and Earth
how could You be good?

I ran two point four kilometers,
I came in as the twenty seventh,
I pulled my thigh muscle.
I know I suck at it,
so you don't have to tell me.
& thanks to people whom encouraged

Dear God,
when You sent Jesus to die for me, His blood cleansed my sins and redeemed my life.

Why, God? Why are You so good?
When I feel so unworthy, You never let Your hands off me. You held me in Your arms like a newborn and whispered to me, "My child, when all else fades, I'm here"

I want my external hard disk!
And I have dozens of pending payments. Frik.

Everybody's changing
But Lord I'll still love you.Sometimes I wonder, if people would be there for me like I've been there for them and trying my best to listen and help. Nobody's doing nothing now. Sorry, I am just feeling lousy. But thanks. Thanks Priscilla, Pq and Andrea for keeping your testimonials coming in. That must have been the best thing that anyone could have done. You girls make me smile smile. Thank you. I miss. I miss having someone's shoulder to cry on. I miss MichYong&Gena the most. I love you girls.

2007-05-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

Childhood nostalgia

I feel something that you don't.
Like a wandering soul..
I lost my way

If you were to lose a friend like me, would you care? Did you even know that you're about to lose a friend? Or was I even a friend of yours? To you, I look like another invisible panel of glass. Even glass can be seen. I feel like the stupidest fool. Maybe it was wrong to be kind, cause people take you for granted. Stop asking me if I'm angry, cause that stage of anger is over..I don't know what I'm feeling now..like I don't exist in your dictionary anymore and whether or not I exist, you people just won't be bothered.If I said I'm crying as I typing this, would anyone care more?

YAY, I'm meeting Jess on thursday! Cannot wait..that must be the highlight of the week other than maybe going out on Sunday cause I don't want to go over to gramps. And to beloved Andrea, aww..I'm gonna miss you a lot too. No taupok and chauffeur. Frik, so sad!

I guess it's time to let go

2007-05-07T23:02:00.001+08:00

There've been some things that I guess my eyes have seen wrongly.
I am still devastated and feeling helpless. Cannot wait for next shepherding to come..I've a lot to account to Jess and I miss her (x1million) and because I desperately need her. But for now, I'll account to God..how stressed up I am regarding post-exams. And how much I wish I could reconcile this friendships..though it is fallen into a bottomless pit, still falling and furthering their relationship with the Lord. I wish I've done something..but it's not till today. I think I won't be of much help anyway.

Jiayi once told me about the slient trust between church people and friends which I often felt true, but of cos there are exceptions. But I feel it even more true when things happened, when I was not close to my cg nor Jiayi, I told Josephine. Now that things are back to normal, I choose to tell Jiayi and Jess. I don't know why I tell them but because I tell them, I feel so relief and I know whatever I say is secured. But I'll say I thank God a lot for them and people like Peiqin, Andrea and Jx.

Anyhow, I'm on my bed now with all the wires and cables coiling around me.. Dad brought home a stylish little black laptop yesterday, and my erjie reserved it for herself! ): Then Dad said he'd probably get a tablet for me. (: Randomly, I feel like taking a picture of my just packed cupboard to show you people. It consists of all the gifts given to me since 2004 Christmas onwards, and all the cards! I've got a zillion of cards, cause my love language is more of affirmative and quality time. I want to show you the greatest birthday I had..which was back in 2005. Miss those peeps like crazy, and I am serious. But you know what? I'm going to have a date with Gena soon and I met up with SerLin not exactly long ago, perhaps 2 months back.

Gosh, my leg is damn pain okay. Cause today I went out with Eunice after having lunch with Jx..and then being sotong, I banged my leg into some bench. Tada, I think there will be a bruise there tomorrow. Hah, anyway we went to AMK Hub and we tried frozen yogurt(not the Yami one) and it totally sucks cause..it's just yogurt, not frozen. We also ate green tea shredded ice with passion fruit that was quite yummy and the best of all, tomyum seaweed. We bought the super big packet one that was like 5.05$ and we kept munching and talking. Lol, but after that I came home cause I was having tummyache. Sorry girl! One day we should go out with Jx!

It's 11:01 now..
I think I'd better get some beauty sleep. Tataz..I'm not as devasted, not to worry. My feelings are better left untold..then you shan't feel worried.